Monday, 23 January 2012

The discipline conundrum

The difference between looking after someone else's child and caring for your own are numerous. But one of this biggest differences; if they turn out to be a bit of a's kind of your fault.

This dawned on me a few months ago. The time has come where my sedentary cute baby has become a toddler with her own will and desires. And that looming question has arrived, the 'how do we discipline this child without totally screwing her up' question.

There are many schools of thoughts out there, the 'talk to them about it til your both tired and they are already thinking about the train set they can see out the corner of their eye, rather than listening to you' theory.( yeah can you tell i'm not a huge fan of this one) The 'smack them' theory, ( kind of a bit unsure about this) and the kind of ignore all 'negative behaviour' but just reward the good stuff.( not a fan of this one either) Most people I know fall into the bit in the middle of all of these, imagine if you will a 'venn diagram' and that bit in the middle where they all overlap. 

I don't know what I think yet, but I'm realising that I need to get my head round it pretty quick, cos soon she'll be 5 and by then, well you've kind of done the damage haven't you ?!

What I do know, is that I think I'll be doing her a discredit if I bring her up thinking she is the centre of our family, and any other communities she finds herself part of, cos she's not and nobody will treat her that way, so, well, she'll be one frustrated and unhappy little girl. I also know, that as a very strong willed person myself, if my parents hadn't been fairly heavy handed with the old discipline, I would probably be a bit of a bitch. 

So as you can tell I haven't really reached much of a conclusion. I do know that when she throws her food on the floor, (well she flings it really) that it REALLY annoys me, but is it a 'disciplinable offence' I change my mind on this one regularly. So I've already fallen at the consistency hurdle haven't I ? Ho hum.

I do also know that I think hitting another person seems like an awfully unpleasant way of behaving. But then is 'smacking' different. Is is all about the intent behind it ? rather than the act itself ?

I am very pleased there are people who have devoted their careers to thinking about these things, and I find their books helpful, but, well, I can't leave it all to them, cos they're not the one responsible for my little beauty, I am.

So here end my musings on this topic for today, hoping that tomorrow will bring a little more insight as i tread carefully along the tightrope that is bringing up another person.

Just a little footnote, I am very much in a team at all this with my lovely Husbando on these issues, but it's easier to write it as 'I'. And to be honest, right now he's playing a star wars game on his computer, and not thinking about such things !

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