Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Ten on Tuesday
1. Today I decluttered our bedroom a little, that's what I like to do when the energy fairy comes to visit ( I slept for 9 hours last night.....woop woop ! )
2. I've been thinking loads about the old chestnut 'is breast best' ? when it comes to feeding our babies. More on this another time, but It has led me down some interesting routes of enquiry and thinkings.
3. Our little fella is sleeping fairly well, I often sit down and contemplate for a moment how things would be if he wasn't......the thought of this fills me with dread. Thankyou Lord for a baby who is fairly good at sleeping. ( please keep it up little fella - PLEASE )
4. I realised yesterday that I haven't slept in the same bed as Husbando for 3 months now.....we take it in turns to sleep in the same room as the little guy, so the other one can sleep. But seeing as he seems to sleeping fairly well I think it may be time for this arrangement to cease...... ( I quite like having a kingsize bed for half the night though.....oh hang on, what I mean is.....I can't wait to be able to lie next to my beloved once more !)
5. Currently debating which nursery would be a good option for Little Tyke to go to when she's 3. Part of me isn't keen on her going at all, I would love to just have her home with me full time, but I'm not physically able to look after her on my own everyday all day, so that isn't an option. However, I am realising that she is growing up, developing, and a few hours a day at nursery won't do her any harm, and she will probably quite enjoy it. ........ trying not to feel sad at the passing of time, and her growing, but to welcome each new phase and anticipate watching my daughter's personality and talents unfold.
6. I decided after having LT that I would hold off looking into any new treatments for CFS, as I knew I would be too exhausted to investigate and implement them, then have another baby. But now I am contemplating.......there has to be a way to get better from this damned condition. I can't see how a body can suddenly stop functioning properly and there be no way of reversing it. But it all costs money, tests, investigations which the NHS don't fund. Time and money can be wasted with no real benefit, I'm still looking out for that magic ingredient which will put in place the piece of the jigsaw which will restore me to some kind of normal again.
7. Mostly been listening to this
Can't quite put my finger on it, but I find this really uplifting and it make me wanna dance !
8. Can it be warm and sunny again please? Just for a few more than two days in a row, i'm thinking a whole week or two would be perfect. Thankyou Kindly.
9. For the first time in my life I think I may try and loose some weight. I have never tried this before, so am pondering the world of dieting, and kind of thinking that unless I am prepared to make changes permanently to my eating habits then there is very little point in dieting at all, just buy bigger clothes ! I'm not going to loose the weight if I don't intend to keep it off, to me that seems fairly pointless ? It's a whole new world, this dieting business! Getting older and having babies certainly throws a curveball to your metabolism ey.
( I write this while drinking coffee and eating biscuits........ oh dear. )
10. I still sometimes get excited by the fact I can now stand up for more than a few minutes without feeling like I may collapse. Seriously enjoying no longer being pregnant, it was perhaps the worst thing I have ever been through. I can't quite believe how exhausted I was, it was a awful. The product is a miracle and I love him, he continues to grow, be healthy and make my heart warm. For that I am thankful.
Tuesday, 14 May 2013
The sun doth shine.
My Little squishy squash has reached the ripe old age of 10 weeks. I am going to cling to that cliche which every parent holds dear....'it goes so quickly', and it really does. I am really enjoying him, his cute smiles, and snuggly cuddles when all snuggled up ready for bed....... aaaaahhhhhhh
The past few weeks have been a bit of a juggling act trying to make sure Little Tyke is happy, Little Squash is eating and napping sufficiently to prevent total bedtime overstimulation meltdown, and me getting enough rest to remain upright for as long as required. Most of these things have just about worked out okay, although the naps for the little guy haven't quite happened as planned. I am not a rigid routine kind of Mum, when LT was little I just kind of followed her cues of when she was tired or hungry and created a routine around that, but with our second bundle of loveliness it seems a little harder to remember what they want, when, while trying to build a train set at the same time.
So I decided to create some kind of routine and wrote it down, and hey presto he's a happier baby, so that's nice !
It's better when things work out as you would like them to isn't it ?
The glorious thing which is the great British bank holiday graced us with it's presence this weekend, and the sun came out too - for those of you non UK residents reading this, let me tell you this was nothing short of a miracle. The weather has been really bleak, I mean really really bleak, so the sun coming out on a three day weekend was nothing short of a miracle.
I spent most of the weekend recovering from the few days of child juggling, so that was a bit of a pain to be in bed when I wanted to be outside, but by monday I summoned the energy to emerge into the sunshine, dust off my sunglasses and head to the beach for a brief, but oh so refreshing, trip out.
Sandcastles were made
Water was collected from the sea......for that so very fruitless task of attempting to put a moat around the castle.....the sand it doth absorb too much !
We were home by midday and all had a glorious afternoon sleep, just what the Dr ordered.
The past few weeks have been a bit of a juggling act trying to make sure Little Tyke is happy, Little Squash is eating and napping sufficiently to prevent total bedtime overstimulation meltdown, and me getting enough rest to remain upright for as long as required. Most of these things have just about worked out okay, although the naps for the little guy haven't quite happened as planned. I am not a rigid routine kind of Mum, when LT was little I just kind of followed her cues of when she was tired or hungry and created a routine around that, but with our second bundle of loveliness it seems a little harder to remember what they want, when, while trying to build a train set at the same time.
So I decided to create some kind of routine and wrote it down, and hey presto he's a happier baby, so that's nice !
It's better when things work out as you would like them to isn't it ?
The glorious thing which is the great British bank holiday graced us with it's presence this weekend, and the sun came out too - for those of you non UK residents reading this, let me tell you this was nothing short of a miracle. The weather has been really bleak, I mean really really bleak, so the sun coming out on a three day weekend was nothing short of a miracle.
I spent most of the weekend recovering from the few days of child juggling, so that was a bit of a pain to be in bed when I wanted to be outside, but by monday I summoned the energy to emerge into the sunshine, dust off my sunglasses and head to the beach for a brief, but oh so refreshing, trip out.
Sandcastles were made
Water was collected from the sea......for that so very fruitless task of attempting to put a moat around the castle.....the sand it doth absorb too much !
We were home by midday and all had a glorious afternoon sleep, just what the Dr ordered.
Week in Pictures
All about my two little cuties this week........
Snoozing in the garden
What you looking at ey ........?
Beautiful little feet......
Bank holiday fun on the beach............
Thursday, 2 May 2013
A few of my favourite things
This winter has felt never ending, in more ways than just the cold bleak weather, but spring is here and it feels as though there are easier times on the horizon.
I always like May, it's often sunny, there are two bank holidays and life always seems to be good ! Hoping for some happy times this spring and Summer. To start off the month we had a trip out to a little park nearby, it's one specifically for pre school kids so is perfect for us. I have a lovely lady who helps me on a Tuesday and Wednesday for some of the day, so with the promise of an afternoon in bed, and an energetic assistant, we ventured out to the park.....IN THE SUNSHINE !
Catching up with a few photos of the last weeks.
Out in the sunshiny ones........
Tuesday, 23 April 2013
Choice and Enjoyment !
The thing is, you see.
Most of the time these days we tend to decide when to have kids.
I have pondered this a lot recently.
When watching 'call the midwife' along with lots of other Mothers around the world I marvelled at the fact that babies got left sat in prams outside on their own. Now yes, 'times then were different' but not that different from a babies perspective !
With recent obvious events in my life I have pondered how much I am 'enjoying' being a mother. It's something I have always looked forward to, as I've spend much of my life caring for other people's kids, so kind of looked forward to having my own. As a teenager I cared for triplets and thought nothing of giving them all tea, bathing them and getting them into bed. These days I sometimes break out into a cold sweat when Daddy is late home and I am left to fend for myself, so what has changed- oh yeah, I am a Mum all the time, not just twice a week, and am now 32 and not 15 !!
Most of the time, I find it incredibly enjoyable, rewarding and fulfilling. I don't struggle to see it as a valid thing to spend ones hours changing nappies and wiping noses, my own Mother spent lots of time drilling in to me that it is just as valid a thing to do with ones time than anything else, if not more so.
Anyway I digress, I think what I am trying to get at, is, Women in the 50s didn't seem to feel at all guilty about not taking their kids to endless 'groups' and instead of this, leaving them much of the time to entertain themselves while they spent their hours doing jobs which we now handily delegate to our machines, ( oh how I love our machines ) is because back then, to put it plainly if you had sex then it was likely you were gonna have babies. So Women had them young, and lots of them, without huge amounts of conscious decision. So having feelings of 'I just want to do something more fun today' or 'really, do I have to get up and be a patient, kind and loving mother AGAIN' were thoughts which came without any stigma, as well, if something kind of happens to you without much 'choice' then one seems more allowed to not enjoy it !
Now most of us take pills, use contraception and are more in control of how many and when we have kids, so having these thoughts are instantly recognised as negative. Instead we think we SHOULD enjoy every moment, we stroll into Mamas and Papas and are sold a dream hung on wooden coat hangers, down lit with co ordinated items, beautifully displayed, peaceful and idyllic. The reality however is different. Emotions run high, kids cry, Parents argue, Hormones go crazy, and can leave Ladies all over the world feeling guilty if we don't enjoy every moment, don't feel fulfilled at home, and don't always want to get up and face the day, we feel like we are bad Mothers and abnormal.
I, like hoards of other women have had days like these. Is it PND ? is it just normal...? there are fine lines in-between these things ey.
But I think when one chooses to do something, one feels like 'I chose it, so therefore I should continue to want it all the time'. But I am discovering just like a purchase of a new handbag, motherhood can have days where it's not quite as nice as we thought when we first bought into it !
So I guess I am learning to give myself permission to not always want to spend time with my kids, not always want to breastfeed at 4am, and not always enjoy watching cbeebies and saying 'No' for the hundredth time this week.
I mostly love it, but am learning not to feel scared of myself, of my emotions when I don't.
Just thought I'd share, as I know I'm not alone.
So Ladies and Gents, while I am not suggesting we all leave our babies out to amuse themselves or suddenly revolt from our playgroup attendance, I think we maybe need to realise that just because we chose to have kids, doesn't always mean we will enjoy every minute !
My kids are cute, oh yes, and I love being a mum, maybe more than some, I kind of feel like its one of the few things I am kind of good at, looking after kids, but sometimes I don't like it, or them !
There I said it !
Ps
I apologise for my poor grammar, spelling and sentence structure, but you see I was up at midnight with a toddler who wanted to tidy up, and at 3am with a hungry baby, so suck it up people !!!
Most of the time these days we tend to decide when to have kids.
I have pondered this a lot recently.
When watching 'call the midwife' along with lots of other Mothers around the world I marvelled at the fact that babies got left sat in prams outside on their own. Now yes, 'times then were different' but not that different from a babies perspective !
With recent obvious events in my life I have pondered how much I am 'enjoying' being a mother. It's something I have always looked forward to, as I've spend much of my life caring for other people's kids, so kind of looked forward to having my own. As a teenager I cared for triplets and thought nothing of giving them all tea, bathing them and getting them into bed. These days I sometimes break out into a cold sweat when Daddy is late home and I am left to fend for myself, so what has changed- oh yeah, I am a Mum all the time, not just twice a week, and am now 32 and not 15 !!
Most of the time, I find it incredibly enjoyable, rewarding and fulfilling. I don't struggle to see it as a valid thing to spend ones hours changing nappies and wiping noses, my own Mother spent lots of time drilling in to me that it is just as valid a thing to do with ones time than anything else, if not more so.
Anyway I digress, I think what I am trying to get at, is, Women in the 50s didn't seem to feel at all guilty about not taking their kids to endless 'groups' and instead of this, leaving them much of the time to entertain themselves while they spent their hours doing jobs which we now handily delegate to our machines, ( oh how I love our machines ) is because back then, to put it plainly if you had sex then it was likely you were gonna have babies. So Women had them young, and lots of them, without huge amounts of conscious decision. So having feelings of 'I just want to do something more fun today' or 'really, do I have to get up and be a patient, kind and loving mother AGAIN' were thoughts which came without any stigma, as well, if something kind of happens to you without much 'choice' then one seems more allowed to not enjoy it !
Now most of us take pills, use contraception and are more in control of how many and when we have kids, so having these thoughts are instantly recognised as negative. Instead we think we SHOULD enjoy every moment, we stroll into Mamas and Papas and are sold a dream hung on wooden coat hangers, down lit with co ordinated items, beautifully displayed, peaceful and idyllic. The reality however is different. Emotions run high, kids cry, Parents argue, Hormones go crazy, and can leave Ladies all over the world feeling guilty if we don't enjoy every moment, don't feel fulfilled at home, and don't always want to get up and face the day, we feel like we are bad Mothers and abnormal.
I, like hoards of other women have had days like these. Is it PND ? is it just normal...? there are fine lines in-between these things ey.
But I think when one chooses to do something, one feels like 'I chose it, so therefore I should continue to want it all the time'. But I am discovering just like a purchase of a new handbag, motherhood can have days where it's not quite as nice as we thought when we first bought into it !
So I guess I am learning to give myself permission to not always want to spend time with my kids, not always want to breastfeed at 4am, and not always enjoy watching cbeebies and saying 'No' for the hundredth time this week.
I mostly love it, but am learning not to feel scared of myself, of my emotions when I don't.
Just thought I'd share, as I know I'm not alone.
So Ladies and Gents, while I am not suggesting we all leave our babies out to amuse themselves or suddenly revolt from our playgroup attendance, I think we maybe need to realise that just because we chose to have kids, doesn't always mean we will enjoy every minute !
My kids are cute, oh yes, and I love being a mum, maybe more than some, I kind of feel like its one of the few things I am kind of good at, looking after kids, but sometimes I don't like it, or them !
There I said it !
Ps
I apologise for my poor grammar, spelling and sentence structure, but you see I was up at midnight with a toddler who wanted to tidy up, and at 3am with a hungry baby, so suck it up people !!!
Tuesday, 16 April 2013
Ten on Tuesday
Ten on Tuesday
1. My kids are cute, here is evidence. I love them.
2. Loving this song this week. The way Pink sings has always got under my skin, her vocals are just amazing. If I could sing like anyone, it would be her I think. She has got a whole lot of anger there, but man can she belt it out.
3. You know have a toddler and a baby when you are rocking a car seat with one foot, using one hand to operate a breast pump and the other to fill a duck shaped watering can, all at the same time. Just call me a multitasking mumma extraordinaire ;)
4. Our little chap has recently decided that sleeping for 5 hours in a row is a good plan. This is good news.
5. I think when you produce your second human being, you kind of have to emerge from newborn babyland a little sooner. So I have purchased two new pairs of shoes this week ( aside from the fact that quite literally ALL my footwear had holes in, I felt I needed them ) Granted they spend less time on my feet than my slippers, but they look nice on the shoe rack, and when I do escape the house it's nice to look, well, nice !
6. When someone gives you a £20 voucher for boots as a baby gift, is it wrong to use it to buy yourself perfume.......? the jury is still out on this one, comments appreciated !
7. Little Tyke is living up to her name at the moment, the tantrums and shouting of that all important two letter word 'N O ' have reached a peak in our house. Oh it is good to be the one who needs to breastfeed the contented baby when such incidents occur, Husbando it's over to you. ( he spends his days trying to teach unruly teenagers, so is fairly good at dealing with such things ! )
8. Salad, I want to rediscover salad. We need to make friends again, spring is finally here to stay - I hope, so it's about time I got munching on some delicious crunchy leaves. It's one of my favourite things to eat, but didn't mix well with pregnancy, and can take a bit more preparing than a quick bit of toast, but I am determined to consume some soon.
9. We booked our summer holiday this week. 3 nights in the Lake district in one of these....
We are going with some friends who have kids the same age as us, I'm wondering if maybe this plan was a little ambitious for this summer, but hey, you gotta give these things a go, and at least husbando won't be having to put up a tent on his own while I sit in the car ! In my more energetic state I am fairly competent at putting up tents and all things practical, so it pains me greatly that I have to sit around and watch him do all the hard work. That said, there is something very attractive about watching ones husband work up a sweat completing a practical task ;0)
10. It's April, APRIL. As my lovely man said this morning as he staggered around our room in an attempt to wake up enough to haul his tired self off to work. '...April has kind of taken us by suprise' he's not wrong. It was January last time I checked.
Feel free to leave a comment below.....still in decision about the perfume thing ;)
Sunday, 7 April 2013
Thinkings in a poem, kinda
There are new highs, new lows.
The dark times feel like they are looming, waiting to pounce, for something to....just....tip....the....balance which makes it all fall apart.
But for now we are walking the tightrope of life, that's what it feels like doesn't it with two little ones?
Making sure everyone is all fed, happy, clean and smiling, while trying to keep oneself sane so the wheels on this wagon don't fall off,
that would be bad,
really bad.
I am thankful for help,
for funds to fund the help,
help is good,
we all need help.
There are moments when such contentment washes over,
Joy, relief and excitement that we have created our family.
What will the future hold ?
I get the feeling this is the hardest part we are in right now,
It's damn hard work,
I have always liked hard work,
kind of.
So rewarding, such joy, such fear, so many unknowns and uncontrollables.
Babies are cute,
babies smell,
babies need care ALL THE TIME.
Families were made to be big,
extended,
messy.
I need family, our extended family, and my immediate family,
for love, unconditional love.
'Too tired for niceties, but still love' - love,
that's the Love I'm talking about.
Food, that's good too, lots of it we have had,
bought by friends,
so many friends,
unique and kind.
Thankyou.
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