Monday, 29 October 2012

Rightness and Love

Having mostly 'blogged' about family life and LT recently, I feel the need to put my mind to something else. The last month has been all about getting some practical jobs done while there is a bit of corporate energy, and time off work in the Deane house. Christmas holidays will be full of visiting family and being festive, then a baby will arrive about 6 weeks after this, so I decided October was the month for 'getting things done'. We are progressing, when I have a wee bit of energy floating around, I scare myself at just how task focussed I am, seriously, it's like a thread running through me which I can't get rid of ! Much to my poor husbando's frustration a 'dog with a bone' has been the best way to describe my constant nagging, cajoling and attempting to get some 'sorting out' done these past few weeks.

It's weird how different we all are ey ? Some of us can just sit around and blindly forget about all the things which need to be 'done', other's can't rest well until they are done. I generally fall into the last category unless very unwell with CFS, then I don't care at all.

So many arguments are caused by our sense of  'rightness' though, our way is the best way, the 'right' way to be. Parenting brings up lots of these thoughts and feelings too. We can only parent from who we are, and we are all so very different. I have friends who all sleep in a big bed together, in a glorious cacophony of legs, arms and sleepless nights, right through to friends who put their babies in their own room from birth, enforced a strict routine and have immaculate houses. Although we all say we know 'it's down to personal choice', if we are REALLY honest, we all do have a little bit in us which thinks we are doing it more right than others, and more wrong that the other others !

I have seen this sense of 'rightness' in religious matters too, and although I do have beliefs which I think are the truth, so much time is wasted on exerting our 'rightness' on others, we forget to love, to listen and to, well, be nice people. I once heard a lady say 'niceness is never over rated' I think it was Heidi Baker.

I can do so much less than I hoped I would at this stage of my life, some of those expectations were false, some not. But one thing I know I can do, need to do, have to make a priority is being 'nice' to people, and mostly my husband and children. I am quite good at being nice to those I know,  or neighbours, old people in a supermarket, but the real challenge comes in tolerance and love for my own family. I know this is my biggest test, the biggest hurdle I face, more than a career progression or anything else I may have liked to 'do'. I recently read 1 Corinthians 13 at a wedding, you know the 'Love is patient, Love is kind' one, and have attempted to keep looking at it, to get it into my head. More than a tidy garage and all the clutter getting into the loft, I have to allow Love, real honest Love, to be a priority in our family. Another wise person once said  'men may be the head of the house, but the women set the tone for it', and to some extent I think this to be true, gulp.....a hard thing to realise.
I can so easily slip into that thing lots of us task focussed ladies do, just seeing all the things our husbands/patners/housemates haven't done yet, the shelves not put up, the phone calls not made, and I am SO very guilty of this, I keep these thoughts mostly to myself but they are still there. It's a tough balance to strike, but I know I want to keep on at this Loving thing, the cherishing thing, the being nice thing. Honesty is of course important, but I long for Love to triumph over my desire to get a task finished, ticked off and completed.

Sometimes being task focussed feels like more of a curse than a blessing !

This remains my challenge, and I imagine it will for decades to come, but I like a challenge :)


I read the blog of sarah bessey, and this post has really stuck with me. She often puts into words so eloquently what I want to say/express/mull over, and I particularly like this entry. Just thought you may like it too :)

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