A while back a friend asked me, 'how do you cope with having been ill for so long, and having a baby to look after ' i just answered her, ' I don't always' - cos sometimes, I don't. I think 'coping ' is overrated. This weekend has been lovely, and in the 'coping' stakes I am doing fairly well at the moment, but that's not always the case, and I don't think it is for anyone, is it ........?
Today I saw a lady who recently lost her beautiful baby daughter. Last week, a friend whose Son has been tragically taken to be with his maker far sooner than she was ready for. Both are going through horrendous berievement. Of course they will spend days when they can't get out of bed, cos the emotional exhuastion of grief is just too much. But there is a need to dialogue on how 'well' they are coping, or if they'r up and about. Now don't get me wrong, most people I know are hugely compassionate in nature, and aren't rushing any of my friends to be running around with smiles on their faces all day, but our culture seems to be all about the coping doesn't it.
When I watch news footage of wailing ladies in a war torn country kneeling around the body of their loved one, lamenting and crying as their emotional agony has nowhere to go, but escape in a heart felt scream. I think I have a lot to learn from them, from their freedom in expression, their complete submersion in the moment they are going through.
So many people in our society suffer depression at some point in their lives, depression is a far too wider term I think, and is very misunderstood, but much of it is suppressed emotion, denied feelings finally coming to the surface. I am determined to do my best to have days where I don't cope, where I do fall apart a little, where the raw emotion of the small difficulties of my life ( because really, they are small when you think of the grand scheme of things) , or the lives of others around me gets to me. It has too, it will only catch up with me eventually.
I have hair dye to cover up my ageing hair, make up to cover my dark circled eyes, a credit loan to cover up my debt, and happy photos on facebook which publicise the happy shots, but neglect to showcase all the moments in between when there are tears, arguments and grumpiness.
We have to choose a safe place for these feeling to come out ofcourse, a meltdown in tescos is never the best place, but I say lets all give up coping quite so much. Have a pj day, cry your heart out once in a while, and for goodness sake don't tell yourself you should be coping if your not !
Coping is overrated.
wow hannah,beautiful beautiful post x x
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