Times are a changin'

I have been wanting to write a post about my Little Tyke for a while now. She is just wonderful, and I could write about her all day, her little oddities, cute-ities, and lovely-ities.

She is mostly, (she has her off days, don't we all ?!) great company. I'm not sure if that shows how interesting she is, or how bad my social life has become, but either way. She is at the age where everything is a question, and enquiry or a request. She has even started telling jokes. 

Cute.

Now, for any other parents with a child over the age of three, this isn't news to you. But it's new for me, my first baby is now three, yes THREE. 

This is her at her birthday party, making a play dough sculpture of some description.

Tomorrow she takes her first trip out of our safe, fluffy nest, into the big wide world of pre school. 

I am trying not to make it into a huge drama, projecting some angst I have about her growing up onto her, isn't gonna help anyone. So tomorrow morning will be as low key affair as I can make it. 

When I come home from dropping her off, I will be trying my best not to lament the passing of one phase, instead being excited for new times ahead.  ( time will tell if I achieve this goal  )

As I write this down, it sounds entirely ridiculous but since she was about 5 months old I have worried about how I would get her to nursery when she started. Not being able to walk far, and not having access to a car during the day, kind of makes this new phase a tricky one. But true to form, various people and situations have come together to mean it will be just fine. 

I wanted this post to be more poetically written. A lovely reflection of my girl, but I'm a bit fuzzy headed today, you can't win them all ey.

Tomorrow is the start of a new phase for my Little Tyke and I, hoping, really hoping it will be an enjoyable one.

Church ramblings

I have been thinking a lot about Church recently, what it is, what I think about it, and what God thinks about it. I have always been a 'churchy' kind of girl, always loved going, and kind of felt at ease there. I know this is far from many people's experiences, but right now I can only really write from my own.

I have sat myself in a variety of pews, chairs, cushions on the floor, and stools. All in different 'types' of churches. Pentecostal, Baptist, Anglican, Evangelical, Methodist, Assemblies of God, Pioneer, New Fronteers, House Churches, 'We haven't quite defined ourselves yet' Churches, and all the other types in between.

I have found God in all of them, I have also found heartbreak and sin in all of them too. Cos Churches are full of people, and where people are, there is always mess.

People are messy.

But I still believe that Church is what God wants me to be part of.

Before I had CFS, being 'in' a church was mostly what I 'did'. I worked there, worshiped there, played there, and while I spent time at university too, I guess my whole time schedule revolved around 'Church'. I don't regret this, and felt at the time it was the thing I wanted to do. That was ok. But gradually having CFS has made it really hard for me to be part of the church I loved. It was too energetic, too many people all at once, too big a commitment. I found I didn't really have a place in some parts of it as I was so very unreliable. It wasn't any one's fault, just circumstances. It has taken me years to get my head around this, I kind of felt like my right arm had been chopped off. Those years were tough, really tough.

So I have had to take a step back, from 'doing' things in church, and just work out what are the most important things, for me.
Then, in time I use my small bits of energy on those.
And with the arrival of children, they have changed again too.

Conferences, I can't really 'do' conferences, they are big, and loud and exhausting, they take huge amounts of energy, emotional and spiritual. I do like christian conferences, but I also think that maybe, just maybe we all spent too much time preparing them, making them look flashy and appealing, advertising them, then being at them. When really, our energy could be spent elsewhere.
That's what I have discovered anyway.
They often seem to be filled with communicating the latest 'trend' in churches, I don't have time or energy for churchy trends.
Just keeping it plain and simple is where I am at right now.

I also like biscuits, cheap custard creams dunked in a cup of well brewed tea, this stands me in good stead to enjoying most churchy gatherings :)

In the past year we have moved to a different church, and it has been a bit like buying a new pair of Jeans. My previous Jeans were wonderful, initially fit me really well, but over time my body shape changed, and I needed a new pair, My old Jeans will always be my favourite I think, but the new Jeans enhance my shape better, and match better with the rest of my wardrobe.

................................... There is more to this post, but I have been writing it for a few weeks, so in order to ever post it, it needs to come in segments.....right now I am watching cbeebies and playing a game with my daughter - not the most conducive environment for clear writing ey !!

Week in pictures

Most of these photos are from the past month I guess.

As you can see LT has been into lining up toys, races and 'expeditions'.

I know if I took a few minutes to edit these photos they could look really good, but if I'm being honest I just don't want to .......

I am all about doing what I enjoy at the moment, so I say PAH to editing ! 

The races are on

Beautiful 'Teal' sat obediently where she was put. I think she was in the 'audience' 

Three little pegs....

(Well, they are actually nails, as that's what I had to hand when the urge took me to put them there )

I have always, since I can remember, wanted to be a Mum. I enjoy being around children, painting, talking about nonsense and playing. To have my own children, has always been a part of what I wanted to do with my life. I feel unbelievable pleased that it has happened, to me.

In spite of the difficulty of having CFS, most of the time, I love being a Mum. I like having a house full of toys, I like painty finger marks on the walls, I like that half of our kitchen is an art easel and a jumperoo, I like that we go to the park at the weekend, I like baking cupcakes, I like creating things out of playdough. I like choosing my kid's clothes, I like planning fun things to do together, I like playgroups, I like lying on the floor rolling around for no particular reason. I like having a bubble bath with a child in it, and lots of toys.

Now, hear me out here, if you read my blog regularly you will know, that I have my days, days of exhaustion, despair and that overwhelming urge, NOT to be the Mummy.....just for a few days. There is a very good trend at the moment in the blogging world, around writing honest posts about parenting, which is wonderful, a HUGE breath of fresh air, any war on this crazy comparison in parenting is worth fighting.

But for today, I wanted to share the things I love about it, as there are many.

The other day I knocked these three nails into the wall, and hung my kids cute things on them, in our hallway, for all to see. It makes my heart happy when I walk down the stairs and see them, hanging there, waiting patiently til they will next be required to shield a child from the rain, or make a 6 month old cosy and warm. I love having a house full of hussle and bussle and craziness, wellies strewn, ( although little tyke is learning to put her shoes on the rack pretty well these days ! ) buckets of sand in places they shouldn't really be, and sitting down to watch some tv, after the kids are asleep in a room full of toys.
Would I still enjoy this stage if I was in it for the rest of my life, probably not, but right now, I refuse to wish it away.

I am thankful for every painty hand print.

( not to mention the money to pay the cleaner to wipe them away ! )

Things

I haven't checked in for a while, lots of things have been whirring around my mind to write about, but as per usual, there isn't quite the time and space to put them on the page.
I have been doing a fair bit of reading other blogs, many times recently I've stumbled across a blog post which has put into words exactly what I have been thinking about. It's so often the case, we think we are the only ones mulling over an issue, only to find that actually, we aren't alone, instead across the globe we are all influenced by so many of the same issues and thinkings. 
Kind of weird, but great at the same time.

I love this lady's writing, I feel like we are on the same page. awidemercy

I have been wrangling with how much more we need to support each other as parents. Weather we push our babies, or carry them, breast or bottle feed. Seriously, life is hard enough for constant judgement. This article added to my existing thoughts about this. huff post. 

My Little tyke is hurtling towards being 'number 3'........ I won't say things like 'where has the time gone'.....'they grow so fast'......but yes, those things ! I am loving spending so much time with her, her personality is emerging beautifully and I love our time together. There are times where I CaNNOT wait for bedtime, to see her eyes and mouth close, silencing the constant stream of 'why' mummy, but I love a 3 year olds zest for life, and have to say, I learn so much from her questions and excitement at the simple things in life. 

The littlest Deane is getting bigger, and LOUDER. There are teeth, and there is eating. There are still night wakings, but not so many these days. 
He is scrumptious. I have considered eating him on more than one occasion.

Week in pictures

Week in pictures

Beachy ones

Gardeny ones

Bakingy ones

My favourite and my best

'Charlie and Lola' is a kids tv programme. It is a big part of our family life right now. This summer we borrowed my Dad's car and wait for it....IT HAS A CD PLAYER ! so posh. The only cd we have actually played in it, has been the audio book of 'charlie and lola'

One of the annoying phrases of 'lola' the female protagonist of said kids book is 

'This is my favourite and my best'

So in the spirit of Lola, I give you my 'favourite and my best'