A catch up and a few Thinkings.

It seems I haven't written a blog post for about three months............I'm not entirely sure why, I think mostly it is due to the fact I have been reading a bit more. It's been great to have the mental energy to read again, and oil up those rusty brain cogs of mine, setting them in monition once more. 

I have been feeling like I'm ready to explore a bit more theology, and where the Christian practises I am part of originate from. In the past, I guess I have been a bit tentative about digging too deep, asking too many questions, as sometimes it's easier to listen to a leader at church, (who you are fairly certain isn't a total loony) and kind of go with what they think.
(I hope I'm not the only one who is perhaps that lazy ?!)

Here is a whistle stop tour of a few 'thinkings' and things I have been reading lately. 

It's been very much in the forefront of the media, Christians everywhere are being forced to consider what they actually believe God says about LGBT marriage/relationships, I too have been trying to make some space in my head to consider this. 
This blog by Vicky Beeching, has been a great starting point for me, and has helped me to look into varying view points around the theology of sexuality.

Another thing I think about a fair amount is suffering, God, prosperity, and how the three lie next to each other, This lady's blog has been another place to help me explore these things Tanya Marlow.

Sometimes daring to question things can be tough, isolating and a bit scary. 

The book 'Found' by Micha Boyett has been on the top of my reading list. She explores the way Benedictine Monks pray, at intervals throughout the day, and uses that as a pattern for her daily prayer, in the midst of changing nappies, working and attempting to connect with God. It's like reading a book a friend has written. I identify with so much of what she writes. Thoughts of feeling like my life doesn't quite have the positive impact on the world and the needy as I hoped it would, and disappointment that my prayer life often resembles more of a mumble, or a 'tweet', rather than an intersession. Anyway, it's good, I would recommend it ! 

The energy fairy has definitely been kind to me in recent months. Despite currently writing this from the sofa, a bit too knackered to get out this morning, in general, I 'm doing really well. Getting out and about, picnics, camping trips and cooking a few meals here and there.....things are good ! 

Here is the little one, in the wheelbarrow, 'helping' to mix the concrete for our patio.

Bye for now, and hopefully I will be writing again soon ! 

Thinkings

Sometimes it can feel like a bit from the bible is kind of chasing me around.

It's always a good thing when this happens, I guess I feel like it's the way the Big Guy up there reminds me of something, or, it's just a coincidence.

I'll let you decide that.

Either way, When it happens I need to remember to write it down, so here it is ;

'Faith that can move mountains'…….it's a phrase you can hear a lot when part of a charismatic faith filled church. It's a great one line phrase. Which can stir everyone into a frenzy of trying harder, and Believing and hoping, oh so much hoping for Miracles and things to change.
But can often leave me feeling a little inadequate in my faith in what I believe God can ( or will ) do.

I heard a lovely talk recently about where this verse came from ( or where he seems to think it does, i'm not sure of the validity of this information ! ) Anyway, before Jesus used the example of faith being strong/effecient enough to 'move mountains' There was an event in which King Herod had decided he wanted to build something where there was a mountain ( or big hill….who knows how they defined things in those days ! ) So he set his slaves to work, moving said 'mountain' so he could build what he wanted where the obstacle was. I don't know any details, but I'm guessing it would have taken a loooong time, maybe even years, and was an event which most people Jesus spoke to would have remembered. The guy doing this Talk reflected that sometimes faith isn't just about praying for a HUGE thing to happen, and it happen straight away, but how change can be small, and seemingly insignificant, and take a LOOOOONG time.

I also read a blog post about a man who did a similar thing, taking YEARS and YEARS just so that children in a local area could build a small make shift school…..he quite literally moved the side of a small mountain, with just his hands and a wheel barrow.

I guess with these examples in mind, I do have 'faith that can move mountains'………Just one small step at a time.

Just a Wednesday......

Today is Wednesday, just a normal Wednesday. DaddyDeano is gearing up to go back to work full time, he's been going into work mornings for a few days to get some things done. So this week has almost been an 'easing us back into normal life week'. It's been an interesting summer holiday. If I'm being totally honest, it hasn't been brilliant. Me very sick, and my lovely husbando tired and still fairly stressed with work despite not being there a whole lot. It's tough when you have things to plan and prep for, whilst also trying to take a break. But I have to remind myself how much harder these past 5 weeks would have been if he hadn't been off work. I have been in bed a lot, and going it alone would have been really tough. But, life continues on monday as normal, ready or not. On the plus side, being too ill to do a whole lot has meant we haven't been out and about on as many day trips as we would have been, thus saving us from spending money we don't have......why is it that august always costs so much !???

I'm not really one to make huge 'goals' for a new term, I am by nature quite a task focussed person, and don't need the encouragement of a goal type thing to get me to achieve/focus on something. I have found that having CFS only makes this practise very very frustrating. Setting a 'goal' which you are then unable to achieve through no fault of your own is just plain demoralising. I am a subconsious goal setter though, I have always got something I want to 'get done' and am learning to make these things teeny tiny so that they are actually achievable. This holiday time I have managed to paint our kitchen windowsill, sort out one box full of papers and filing which has sat neglected for more than a few years, and thrown out 4 bags of rubbish, just stuff which really should have been disposed of on a week to week basis, but has just lingered under sofas, in corners, stashed in drawers or on top of the fridge. Yes it has taken 5 weeks to achieve these small things, but in between vomitting, sleeping and toddler juggling, I feel quite proud of myself ! I could list all the things I haven't done, which I would have loved to do, but today I choose not to.

But as we dive into another academic year I do want to stay focussed on what I am doing............. I am housing a growing life inside me, and that is a tiring job. I am making parenting decisions, even if at times my body is too weak to carry them out, even at the hands of others who care for my little tyke, I am her mother and the one who is guiding her through her toddler years, It is my decisions which affect her the most, and I really want to be aware of this. I have realised that I will probably need more help with her this next year, in whatever form, but regardless of where she spends a few hours each day, she comes home to me, and calls me Mummy. In the times I know will come in this pregnancy and beyond, where I am just incapable of caring for her in the way I would like, I am determined to not let that make me feel like I have failed her, but that having a sometimes frail Mum is just part of her journey in life. It will grow things in her character and prepare her for things that I, as yet, have no idea about. She is God's child and I have to trust her to Him. 

( please feel free to remind me of this resolve, when in a few weeks I write a lamenting post about being in bed and missing out on life ! )

My Sister in Law, reminded me of this verse in Psalms recently......

 'God, our protector, keep us in mind; always give strength to your people. For if we can be with you even one day, it is better than a thousand without you.' (Psalm 84:10-11) 

It served as a timely reminder, that He is not only my protector, but being with Him each day in whatever small form is what I'm aiming for.

Oh yeah, and a guy named Pablo delivered us yet another chest of drawers ( ebay purchase ) to house our growing ammonst of 'stuff '. I think I might be developing an addiction to chests of drawers and storage solutions. I blame the hormones, always the hormones.

Sunday Thinkings

On our honeymoon, I remember having a 'thinking moment'. My thinking moments often involve a bit of bible reading too, although not always, but often. 

I was pretty ill with CFS on our honeymoon, yeah weddings are tiring, try doing one with cfs and you kind of get an emotional wreck of an exhausted lady. I sat there thinking to myself how on earth I was going to be someones wife, when I often needed to spend most of the day in bed. Yeah I guess on a honeymoon staying in bed is a good thing, but you know the sort of staying in bed I'm talking about isn't the fun type ! 

Anyway........

I read this verse in the bible from Proverbs. It's talking about what it is to be a wife of 'noble character' now my friends, I skipped past the parts which talk about being 'energetic and strong', ( oh and the weaving of rugs ! ) and stumbled onto this verse 

'She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs 
without fear of the future.' ...Proverbs 31:25

Well it kind of hit me right in the face. I realised for me, my challenge was to laugh in the present moment, without fear of tomorrow. What impact my health would have on me, our marriage, our lives and dreams together.

There was fear around money, careers, kids, all those things, cos none of them have worked out for me as I'd hoped, but this has been a verse which has kind of been my little anchor for the past 6 years. I may not be able to be energetic and weave rugs, but I I can laugh in the now without fear of the future. I don't always manage it, and these past 18 months, to be honest I have probably come furthest from this being true for me.

On friday someone gave me a notepad, and this verse was printed on the back. I haven't read it for a year or so, it was my reminder, my reminder that with God I can laugh and not be fearful of the future.

It's my verse. 

God help me, help me to remember it when all I feel is fear, replace it with hope and laughter.

New stone tablets

 The other night I found myself wanting to read a bit of bible, so I did what any self respecting biblical scholar would do, opened it and read what was on the page it fell open at. I was intending to thumb through to get to the psalms, (always a good place to read a little morsel of encouragement or a glimpse into God's character ) But I didn't make it that far, and instead read this ' Moses Gets New Stone Tablets' , now as you may have picked up, I am a quite partial to buying new things. But reading this made me smile - I am not entirely sure I would be all too pleased with new 'stone tablets'. However, as I delved deeper into this chunk of bible ( exodus 34 if your interested ) I discovered that these tablets were pretty cool ones !


Moses and his new shiny stone tablets, were all about God writing things on them for him and his people to live by. He goes up a mountain and talks to God, you know, like you do.

The first thing God says is 

' I am the Lord, The Lord is a God who shows mercy, who is kind and doesn't become angry quickly, He is kind to thousands of people ' 

That's what you want to hear isn't it, at anytime, but especially when you're on a hill on your own with the creator of the world. Awesome stuff.

I could share lots of thoughts, but the ones which have stuck with me are these.....


Firstly I have been thinking a lot recently about how I live, what I do with my life/time/thoughts. And if I'm honest, at the moment I don't always feel very proud of the way I go about things, I'm often a bit grouchy, sometimes unkind and have very little patience for some people. But these words of the Lord's are not only lovely to know about His character, but kind of gave me a proverbial kick up the bum about how I could be, would love to be ( I won't use the word 'should' cos there are far too many 'shoulds' flying around these days ).


Then later on in the passage it talks about the sabbath day, about how even during times of sowing and bringing in the harvest, we need to have a total day of rest. I'm no farmer, but I'm pretty sure sowing times and harvest times are fairly crucial to your crop working out, so you know, if ever there was an excuse to pull a 7 day week I think that'd be it. So there are thoughts for me about that too, and how I want our family to incorporate this into our weekly routine.


As ever with me, there are few conclusions, but I felt so very in awe of the God I serve after reading this. My faith at the moment is the opposite of an armadillo, it's strong on the inside, at the core, but very soft and messy on the outside. I have more questions than answers, confusion instead of clarity, but reading things like this bring me back to the rock of what it's all about.


God is merciful, slow to anger, and kind to thousands of people.......................how wonderful is that ?


...................and how inspiring to be more like him.

But I have to say, I think I'd prefer a new pair of shoes than new stone tablets.