MamaDeanoMusings

Ten on Tuesday

2012-03-06T11:06:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, ten, on.

1. Willow has gone to bed on a sugar high this lunchtime, loooooooong wait at hospital clinic = chocolate bribe was necessary. She thought it was christmas, and will probably ask to visit the hospital again very soon.

2. Sunshine I have missed you, but please ask your friend 'Mr warm air' if he can come and visit us as well.

3. Birds live in tall trees near our house, very lovely. However very noisy at 4am when trying to sleep.zzzzzzzzzzz

4. I did quite a grown up thing this week, I actually sat down and worked out what clothes Willow would need for spring/summer, how I could maximise the things we have been passed down, and ordered them all, in the correct size. My usual style is to wander into the shops near our house and kind of pick up things which might be half price, Sometimes a false economy and also end up spending more with frequent trips to said retail establishments.

5. Am still very much liking my newly painted lounge wall, now to finish painting the cupboard and persuade husbando to put up the shelves. ( yes I can work a drill and am fairly handy at DIY myself, but the precious energy has to be saved for caring for the little un )

6. In my past life I have dabbled here and there in ceramics type arty stuff. I did it at A-level and took it as a night class thingy a while ago. It's not something you can really do without a kiln etc, but my mum and her friend suggested me finding a cheap second hand one on ebay and putting it in the garage. This my friends, has set my little clay loving fingers plotting.......watch this space.

7. This evening if the brain is focussed enough I am going to venture into the world of what this setting does on my camera !

8. I had a moment of energetic thought the other day, and was looking longingly at my wetsuit, how I would love a holiday near the sea,with a bodyboard in hand. Granted there aren't many waves on this beach, but this was a lovely holiday we had a few years ago.

9. I am a bit of a closet hippy, and love a bit of banjo playing, mandolin tinkling music. My brother is hoping for a Jesson family weekend away to this a folk festival in edale. another plan of mine....I always like to have a plan on the boil.

10. Putin's tears - do we buy them ? ahem, I think it might have been a 'tweezers in the trouser pocket moment' no ? #suspiciousoftherussianleader.

Linking in with a few other ten on tuesdayers !

dancingintherain

partyofseven

yeastandwest

Smugness and judgement

2012-03-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

This evening I fully embraced both of the above acts. As I wandered into my Dr surgery fully expecting a loooooong wait ( my gp is very lovely, but always runs over by at least 30 mins ) I had my trusty magazine under my arm, wandered past a whole row of people who were sat there, no reading material in hand staring blankly at the latest NHS display board. Being a frequent flyer at my gp surgery I have finally learnt that going armed with reading material is a must.
So with smugness clinging onto me like a bad smell, I then was to embark on my next less than pleasant character flaw. Next, came the judgement. Who to sit next to ? The long row of people...........old smelly man ? Old but slightly healthier looking lady ? Teenager ? Lady my age, might have young kids, lady in her 40's smart looking albeit a little impatient.You see it's a gamble when you go to the Dr, you might come out with something you didn't go in with, that the prescription you leave with can't cure.

The Old smelly man got a miss, cos I knew i'd be there a while and well, I like a nice smell. not a bad one, then there was the old lady, looked like a good option but was too close to old smelly man. Teenager, potential for loud conversations on pink blackberry in hand - not a risk I was willing to take, so that left me with the lady my age, might have kids with different germs to me, didn't want to take those home too, and the lady in her 40's.
Lady in her 40's with good personal hygiene won, I decided she was visiting for something very simple and not contagious. Thrush or athletes foot maybe?

I sat, for 50 minutes, I saw the Dr, I left with a prescription a sick note and hopefully nothing else.

Sunday catch up

2012-03-04T06:52:00.000-08:00

Well this week has been an odd old one. I've been very low on the old energy and had lots of exciting things happening all at the same time. ( which is a tricky one to juggle )
My lovely sister, my beautiful mum and little ( well quite big actually) old me went to a few bridal shops for lovely sis to try on some dresses. Mum and I sat on sofas while lil sis stood there looking radiant. We drank tea, chatted, flagged down taxis, ate lunch, the whole caboodle. It was lovely.

My sister has what some people might call a 'Pippa Middleton bum' yes it really is that good, so we were trying to find a dress to accentuate her acet !! he he, there was much laughter, and I think some of the ladies in the shop were probably a little confused by our constant commentary on every dress................every aspect............. every detail. Imagine if you will, three ladies who can talk, really talk, then put them all together, with the ease that comes from being related, and hey presto - you have A LOT of words, lots of fun, a tiny bit of stress and a wonderfully memorable day.

I want to put a little add in for this bridal boutique. Beautiful setting, wonderful service, just a little bit of a cut above the rest.

Today I am 'recovering' from said activities in bed. Never quite where I want to be for the entire day, but such is life.

(Although I have just watched a film about some children trying to find their Dad in the middle of Alaska with a polar bear cub as their guide. So, you know, imagine if i'd missed that ey ?! )

Ten on Tuesday

2012-02-28T04:34:00.000-08:00

1. Willow has entered that 'hitting phase'....humph. Not a fan of a lovely little girlie who likes to hit. I am getting lots of practise at my best cross face.

2. Purple tulips brightening up my day.

3. I listened to a fascinating conversation with Richard Holloway on radio 4 yesterday. I tried to put a link to it, but annoyingly iplayer says that half hour of radio is unavailable. So sadly I can't share it with you, but it was a really thought provoking conversation about religion and belief. One lady on there, a former Nun in the catholic church, commented how belief can be egotistical....... 'This is what I believe, what I stand for' Really made me stop. and think. I have a strong faith and many beliefs, but have come to question more and more the dogma and egotism that can be attached to these things in organised religion.
So those are my deep thoughts for the week !! If the link becomes available i'll share it soon. It was on 'start the week' monday 9.30pm. Radio 4.

Now back to more important matters of flowers and ice cream...........

4. Poppies are one of my favourite flowers, looking forward to planting these ( and hopefully seeing them grow very soon )

( yes I have just put a photo of a packet of seeds on my blog.........point 6 might explain lack of creativity this week ! )

5. So then pancake day came and went and now it's lent. Lent is a funny old one isn't it. To fast and then tell everyone about it, or not ! mmmmmm ........Hoping to find a way to connect with my Jesus and what He went through during this time. Not sure how though, and knowing me I will be still asking this question in 4 weeks time when it's a little bit late.

6. I've had a cold for 3 weeks now, and a few unexpected things occurred during the last few days which has knocked me off my tight rope walk of balancing activity and rest....time to climb back on the tightrope me thinks. BORING.

7. I am still confused ( and to be honest, a bit annoyed) as to why 'winnie the pooh' was called that name, cos yes he has a 'H' at the end, but it is still the same word as 'Poo'. I find myself saying to Willow, ' shall we go upstairs and find poo ' now that is just a bit gross really isn't it ?1 Of course our pilgrimage is for the yellow bear with his trusty red t-shirt, but still, I do wish he was called something else.

8. Accompanying my sister to try on wedding dresses this saturday - VERY excited.

9. Pizza for tea tonight in our house.......I wonder what people did before pasta, pizza and pesto graced our shores with their tasty presence ? I guess that's why people ate a lot of this ....

errrrgh gross.

10. While on the topic of food, I ate quite a lot, in fact a very big lot of ice cream on saturday night. It is my biggest vice, ( well there is cake, but I don't think of that as a vice, as it has eggs and flour in it so that's nutritious right ?) the creamy sweet, frozen foodstuff...........my top three favourites are ........Baileys haagen daaz , toffee ice cream ( not picky about the brand) and carte noir -raspberry pavlova.......... D . L icious. Husbando sometimes buys me a pot of ice cream instead of flowers. He knows me well.

Linking in with

apartyofseven

yeastandwest

somemothersdoavem

thethingsiwanttosayblog

sorry I forgot the links last week .

Love and Marriage

2012-02-26T12:30:00.001-08:00

Marriage, not something I mention much on this here blog. I am hurtling towards our 6th anniversary of getting wed. So I guess, has made me stop and think a little.

We met and married fairly quick, in just over a year, but it kind of felt like we'd always known each other. while at the same time, kind of like we were complete strangers. In some ways our marriage has been a bit different from others, 'in sickness and in health' kind of had real meaning when we made those vows, as I was ill when we tied the knot. And after we got married, my health got worse. I spent most of the first year of our marriage in our flat. Occasionally going out, but missed out on those social occasions that are kind of fun to go to together when you're first married, especially as you get to go home together after. Colin ( the husbando) was, and still is a total legend. At the age of 23 he spent lots of time missing out on what people his age are doing, socialising and going on weekends away and stuff, instead sitting in while I was in bed, often not even up and sitting on the sofa with him. Looking back, it was bleak, really bleak. But that wonderful hazy love kind of got us through.

For us, holidays are tricky, cos if your ill you can't work, so have less money, and places you go on holiday for free or cheap are great if you have energy to go out, walk in the countryside and do things which don't cost much but do require energy. So, well, holidays are my favourite thing as it gets me out of the four walls I am currently residing, but for him, it's just moving somewhere without computer, and things to do while I'm in bed. A bit dull I guess.

But we have had a laugh as well, we have had soooo many picnics in our car cos I'm unable to walk somewhere more picturesque. We've discovered box sets to watch we otherwise wouldn't have.
We did have a brief canoeing holiday a while back, well, I sat in the canoe and he did the paddling. That was lovely and the sun shone too.

But our desire to go skiing together, climb a mountain together are all still there. Maybe one day ?
Our desire ( well more mine that his) to have loads of kids is sadly looking less likely now. We are hugely blessed with one, and another one would be the cherry on the cake. But unless I get fully better, my dream of 4 kidlets is defiantly seeming less and less likely.

Most marriages have their pressures though, if it's not poor health, it's something else. Life is rarely easy for anyone. And I'm learning this more and more. It's so easy to look at people and see that they don't have the struggles you do, but you usually don't have to look too deep, to see they have their battles, they are just different. It's a humbling thing to realise.

Then there are the things which the CFS monster hasn't touched. There is the gripe of the socks on the floor,( the toilet seat thing has never bothered me ) the lovely presents I have received, the forgiveness for stupid things said, and the times when I have looked at the fallen expression when I've said something so cutting, that I wish I could just take back.
And of course the hilarious moments of broken down cars, being locked out of houses, Christmases, Birthdays etc. All the usual things.

Every couple likes to think they are just a bit unusual, but to be honest, we really aren't. We are fairly run of the mill. We argue a bit, but not lots, we love each other, but annoy each other too.

And after 6 years I look across a room at him and think, 'man you are gorgeous', along with 'man I have lived with you for 6 years, but you still surprise me, and at times shock me too ! '

Marriage, is for a long time isn't it ? For life, what have we done ey ..............6 years is just the start !

Week in Pictures

2012-02-23T12:44:00.000-08:00

This week, they're all about the girl....mostly.

But she's my girl and I love her !

Parklife

With her 'choo choo'

watching watching...

Did a bit of makin' ( not really classed as bakin')

Dressed and ready for action.

Building building

Posing for the camera..

And lastly, we made a bed for teddy, wasn't quite prepared for what happened when I returned to the room .....

Ted's bed + One .

Ten on Tuesday

2012-02-21T11:13:00.001-08:00

1. Little tyke has moved into a 'i'm nearly 18 months and have a very cute voice stage.' Having spent a fair ammont of my life nannying and babysitting other people's kids, I knew before I had a baby that I would love this age. It's the time when that oh so cute voice comes out with words, often in the wrong context, and when in the right context, it is just so very sweet, and kind of takes you by surprise.
She is well and truly there. Having been saying for the last few weeks to her ' which shoes shall we put on you today, the purple ones or the red ones? ' ( the luxury of not having to rush anywhere and only having one child....plenty of time for a running commentary of the day ) I hadn't thought for a minute that she was actually listening. Then yesterday, as clear as anything, she picked up her purple shoes and passed them to her Daddy and said 'purple'. in a high pitched sing songy voice. Adorable.

2. My longue wall was painted ............Thankyou husbando. You are great. Really great, for many reasons and this is just one of them.

3. Went out for a dig in the garden this week, did a very little bit of planting things in the mud. Loved every minute. It is just amazing that I plant something which looks a bit like a dead twig in the mud, and in a few months sure enough a beautiful flowering plant will emerge.........love love love it.

4. So then, this greek money crisis business, please will someone just sort it out ! I don't care who, but surely these talks have been going on long enough now ?

5. Aldi's tealoaf is delicious. You should try it.

6. My brother sent me this linky a few weeks ago, thought it was great. Puts a fresh slant on the meaning of 'sharing' ............

I really like this song anyway, but this cover is brilliant. Although the guy on the far right looks a bit redundant til half way through !

7. We are going to a wedding in a few weeks, I would kind of like a backless cocktail type dress, something a bit fun, a kind of classic 50's style with a full skirt which comes below the knee. Being on a tight budget I typed it into ebay to see if there was one on there. Type ........' backless red cocktail dress' into google and you get a whole other type of dress !! And one problem with being tall, is that a short dress on me is kind of indecent. I'm not scared of flashing a little bit of leg, but I do draw the line at a full on bum cheek. Nuff said.

8. Today, Little tike and I went on our weekly trip to costa, didn't have camera,( no i don't have a smart phone ) but if I had you would see a clear plastic costa cup, half filled with water, with 3 small yellow rubber ducks bobbing about in it, and plenty of water on the table, floor and chair. It was a wonderful moment where I could see her little creative mind wirring around. Water + ducks = fun. (even if they are plastic and the water is in a cup ) I chose not to intervene and I 'm glad I didn't. She had fun, I drank tea and enjoyed a moment of watching the little brain I helped create, thinking, imagining and experimenting. Wonderful.

9. Shoes, I need to mention shoes.......I haven't bought a new pair for a while, I think it's time that happened soon. Could I just get rid of 1/2 an inch from my big toes please ? then I could buy some prettier ones. Thankyou.

10. A wonderful friend of mine surprised us with a delivery from ocado this week, containing four ready meals. (the very delicious 'could be home made' posh type) And some other tasty treats too. Good friends are hard to find aren't they ? I seem to have found a few, and feel very blessed, spoilt, and thankful for them.

A little dream fulfilled.........

2012-02-18T12:49:00.000-08:00

My child, with me, in the kitchen, baking, making mess and eating raw eggshell........that last point was not in the initial dream.

Week in pictures

2012-02-17T05:09:00.000-08:00

Only a few this week from me, as there's not been much clickady clicking taking place.

But when you look on the National Geographic photography website, it kind of makes you think there isn't much point in taking any more photos, as theirs are just so damn beautiful. It's a wonderful website, If you like beautiful photography i'd recommend a visit.

This are just one or two of their offerings.....

'One foggy day in Italy'

Don't know about you, but i'd love to swim in this pool !......

Anyway, back to week in pictures....If you fancy looking at the msnbc website for their week in pictures, click here.

This photo from below is from last week's entry, look at this for Ice ! In lake geneva...... nature is just phenomenal isn't it.........?

And here are a few of my humble offerings.....

Signs of life.....

Beautiful bulb, almost too pretty to put in the ground.......

NHS and M+Ms

2012-02-16T04:39:00.000-08:00

Today I am more than a little sleepy, having been out for an early tea with some lovely mummy friends ( without the kids ) and then not slept very well, due to annoying sore shoulder I am feeling a bit, well, drugged to be honest.

This week has been a funny old one, more than a few trips to the hospital for reasons I might go into another time, and a clinic appointment today at the CFS service. ( I have been waiting for the appointment for months and months - today was the day ) Have all contributed to a rather 'NHS heavy' week.

As expected, the lady I saw basically said that I am managing my condition very well ( gold star for me ), and need to keep doing it, and hope for the best..........................But not expect full recovery anytime soon. So there you have it, an encouraging, (albeit slightly less hopeful) prognosis from a health care professional than I had hoped for.

One thing I do need to vent about slightly is this..... I was referred into the CFS service initially about 7 years ago. And amongst other things they said under NO CIRCUMSTANCES must one with CFS sleep in the day, cos it messes your body clock up. I was more than a little baffled by this, as a brief sleep in the day is what was getting me through. Anyway, true to form, obedient old me followed advice and fought my way through without a sleep for YEARS. Eventually I realised that I actually slept better at night if I had a brief sleep in the day, so threw caution to the wind and incorporated a nap or two every so often into my rather odd way of life. However today I discover that 7 years on, the service has developed and evolved and hey presto, ' a sleep for an hour a day won't do you any harm' ............THANKYOU ! I knew it wouldn't. Trying not to feel annoyed about this issue, and have to say I am learning that listening to your instincts is more often than not, the way to go.

Being told you are good at managing your condition, and already putting into practise all the advice they have to give you, is very nice in one way. But at the same time, I was hoping for some new revolutionary discovery which could actually........wait for it..........make me reach 100% recovery. Alas my hopes were too lofty.

So for now, I will drag my tired little behind, off to bed, and enjoy the memory of my little outing out last night with the girls, and eat a big old bag of peanut M+Ms......they are a large part of my recovery don't you know.

Ten on Tuesday

2012-02-14T12:57:00.000-08:00

1. Today is valentines day, and for the first time since we've been married we both kind of forgot. But we have the week together, so I guess it just didn't feel necessary to send a card or a gift....? has the romance died? I think not, but maybe I'm wrong and this is a sign of things to come???! Oh dear me.

2. I have a real dislike of those phrases you see tweeted or written on a plaque. Like 'follow your dreams bla bla bla' yes I am ranting...... I recently read one which said... 'You are not a product of your circumstances, just your decisions' pah, tell that to a child in DRC who's starving and has watched their mother repeatedly tortured. I think there will be things in their circumstances which kind of produce things in them which will never be reversed. and decisions are a luxury the vast majority of people don't have.
I understand the sentiment behind these things, but they either make you feel bad cos your not achieving/fulfilling those wistful dreams you had as a teenager, or feel smug cos you are ! I am a big fan of having dreams, and hopes. But a plaque somewhere needs to say that sh*t happens, and you know, you need to find Joy in the day your in right now. Your dreams might not come to pass, but that's not necessarily something you can do anything about.
Rant over.

3. On a less frustrated note, as we drove past the garden centre near ours today, Little Tike said from the back of the car, 'amnaaaals' as she pointed to the garden centre. Yes there are animals there which we go and see......Man that girl is learning quickly.

4. ' Faaam' is how little tike says ' farm '. And her favourite programme 'small potatoes' has an episode set on a farm, she loves it. So heck, why not have a look..... check about 40 seconds in. Gotta love a bit of a hillbilly type inspired song.

5. We have started watching the series 'homeland' it is really good. But like most things I am not looking forward to the second series, cos it's never as good. I would recommend the first ones, it's like a slower paced 24, with a good strong female lead character. Claire Danes, I've always liked her, I think it's cos she played Juliet in Baz Lurnamn's Romeo and juilet, one of my favourite films. ( It also gave me hope as a teenager - that there was a movie star that was as flat chested as me ! )

6. I have had lots of ideas for making, painting, collaging recently....mmmmm wonder if any of those ideas will materialise ? chances are slim me thinks.

7. Cake. We need to talk about cake...... It's been a while since I've eaten a good cake. I love cake, and since having the Little Tike there just hasn't been energy for baking. Not sure how Husbando would react if he came home from work and on top of all the things he does around the house, I had not done the few things that I usually do cos 'sorry love, I baked a cake'..... well unless it was a chocolate cake. But to be honest I prefer a fruit based cake, or carrot or coffee, or walnut etc etc etc, but chocolate cake, not so much.

I need to reverse this situation. I need more cake.

8. We have a travelling fair type thingy parked up near our house. Little Tike is more than a little taken with the lights. Having spent the past 3 days watching them go round and round and up and down from the window, we made her dreams come true, and wandered over and had a look round. Yes she loved it. And yes I bought some of this.... tasty

9. There is a rumour in my house, that tomorrow is the day my longue wall will be painted my chosen shade of grey. I will keep you posted of this development.

10. My sister is still getting married, now there is talk of dresses, flower girls - (yes that will be my daughter, and yes she will be cute, and probably not walk where she is meant to) and a hen weekend. My little sister, all grown up. What a catch she is. She is seriously gorgeous outside and in.

Speed on over to the other '10 on tuesdayers' if you fancy a goosey gander.

apartyofseven

yeastandwest

somemothersdoaveem

Thankfullness

2012-02-12T04:45:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for a few things and here they are.....

That Willow has taken to sleeping in til about 8am. She has been doing this for a while now, and it is pretty nice. It's one of those things you don't really want to tell anyone incase it stops. But for now, I'm just going to be thankful for it. And extra hour I don't need energy for makes a huge difference to my life.

Our family. We had some sad news in our house this week, and someone bought us a delicious Marksandspencers posh meal dine in thingy. It was delicious, and just made things seem a bit happier.

Bountys. I have eaten quite a few this week, I love the sweet coconut chocolatiness.

Hot running water, I love a good hot bath, and just being able to turn on a tap and hot water coming out, well, it's great really isn't it.

My Heavenly Father, loves me through everything, and knowing He walks through life's joys and trials with me, well, it's wonderful.

Little Tike's words

2012-02-10T13:41:00.000-08:00

I know I'll forget what she could say at about 17 months, so this is my record.

The words she can say up to now...........

Mum
Daddy
Nanny
bamps ( gramps)
Antie ( Aunty)
Juice
Toast
Ham
Cheese
Apple
Bobble
Taxi
Car
Trees
choo choo ( train!)
Poo ( in your pants)
Pooh ( bear)
Pap ( nappy)
Shoes
Ball
Lights
Teds
Row Row
Anna
Dudo ( Hugo)
Shish ( Lois)
Eyes ( Isaac)
pisps ( crisps)
Hands
Knees
Hair
Head
Hat
Tights
Shide ( slide)
Amnals ( animals )
Dog
Two
Hiya
Bye Bye
Ta
Cat
Out
Up
Off

There must be more, but these are all I can think of for now.

Week in Pictures

2012-02-10T13:25:00.000-08:00

This weeks offerings, are an eclectic mix really.

Precious moments on a Saturday morning.

Swinging around on a very chilly day.

Cold window

Painting

Tranquility

Camera settings on from above photo....no time to change them.......this is what you get !

Waiting to make it to the wall

This time last year, my girl and her first sit in a high chair.

Ten on Tuesday

2012-02-07T12:03:00.000-08:00

1. Turns out Currys is quite a good place to take a toddler on a Saturday afternoon, as long as you stick to the washing machine end. Lots of room to run, not much to break.
Little climb on an empty shelf.

2. My sister got engaged at the weekend, to a very lovely man. I am one excited sister ! And Willow will be a flower girl - cuteness.

3. Painting took place today. Not so much about the paint on paper yet, far too tasty.

4. When writing this I am realising that over the past few weeks I haven't done much, or thought about much outside toddler world. I need to bring a little more culture into my life, I have started reading a book that has no pictures and more than 10 pages, so that's a start I guess. You never know, one day I might make it to a concert or an Art gallery............?

5. Have taken up my love of eating biscuits again. Not so good for the waistline, but I figure i'll worry about that when I've finished popping out any kids we'r gonna have in a few years, and enjoy the calories for now. I do love a biscuit. These ones are amongst my favourite.

6. It's half term next week, which is good for many reasons, but I always feel that you've broken the back of winter when you get to february half term, there is more daylight, and you can feel spring poking it's head around the corner and waving hello.

7. Little Tike loves to hide in our curtains, 'hide' being one of her many new words. Just not sure how much more our curtain pole can take of being pulled before it leaves it's plasterboard plugs and falls to the floor.

8. My Mum bought me a years subscription to 'red' magazine last year, and this months, there was an article which started ' struggling to decide which shade of grey to paint your living room'....? well yes actually, I am ! It then went on to list symptoms of being a 'decision phobic'.... mmmm I am a fairly decisive person, but maybe I have fallen at this hurdle. I have since decided on my shade of grey, and am hoping ( so desperately hoping) that Husbando will paint it in his week off work, and put up my lovely invisible book shelves which santa bought me. please, please, please.

9. Took Little tyke to an indoor play centre this week, she had climbed up to crawl across and go down the slide. I was chatting to another lady, and realised I hadn't seen her pop out the bottom, when I looked I could just see her little feet poking out. I went over, and there she was lying at the bottom of the slide, hands above, behind her head just lying down having a little look around. She's a funny little thing.

10. On my tenth birthday I had a pineapple cake, shaped like a pineapple and tasted like a pineapple, just thought I'd share.

Hop on over to the other 'ten on tuesdayers'

familyjamesfive

somemothersdoavem

yeastandwest

thethingsiwanttosayblog

britgirl.typepad

Week in pictures

2012-02-02T10:20:00.000-08:00

I stupidly forgot to take my camera with us this weekend when we went out to a Moroccan longue for a meal, lots of lovely fabrics and lighting to clikedy click. But alas, so this weeks entries are the usual everyday life with my Little Tike.

I love this one, yes it's fuzzy, but captures that just got out of bed, snotty face look which has summed her up this week.

Building, Building.

Lights, Lights - ah the joy of a 'sensory room' ( For those of you who've never been in one, this is what your taxes pays for ! )

Shiny sunshine came out to play

Anemones are trying their best.

Curse of the 'toxic childhood'........

'TEDS'

Crayon on the floor, Crayon in the mouth, Crayon on the teeth, not so much on the paper....

Pretty playroom light.

Ten on a chilly Tuesday

2012-01-31T11:40:00.000-08:00

This past few weeks, the cfs monster has retreated a little, just a little, but enough to make life a WHOLE lot more pleasant and enjoyable. I'm fairly sure this sadly won't last, something will come along and tip the oh so hard to achieve, rest/activity balance that it demands. But it has been a nice week having a little bit more energy. I have enjoyed a few things, and am devoting my ten on tuesday to listing them. Yes I know this is a little un interesting, but head over to the other ladies 'ten's' for a more interesting ten ! .......they are on fire this week :)

1. Definitely my most pleasing thing to be able to do.....Picking up washing off the floor and depositing it in the correct place, either draws or washing basket. This brings me great pleasure. I love a tidy house. Not super tidy, don't get me wrong, but just 'most things in the place they should be' tidy, or even in the correct room will do me.

2. Folding clean washing. Generally clean clothes once dried stay in a large pile somewhere unfolded and are used as needed before they get to the draws. I hate this, but don't have much option normally. This week however there has been folding and some measure of putting away. Bliss

3. Sweeping the floor of food after 'toddler throwing lunch times' on the same day of it happening.

4. Drying all of my hair, not just the front bits.

5. Walking a short distance and being able to come straight home not rest and wait a while til have the energy to return.

6. Going up to rest in bed at 9.30pm not 7.

7. Reading a book not just an magazine.

8. Chatting to a friend without feeling exhausted afterwards.

9. Wiping things ! Kitchen surfaces, window sills, coffee tables. I like a clean surface me.

10. Had a meal with family at the weekend. We actually made it, I can't tell you how many family gatherings, events and parties I have missed in the last 8 years due to the monster and his dirty tricks ! I made it to leeds, had a lovely time chatting, came home. nice.

Having read these, I realise they are largely house work based which is a bit sad really, but there would need to be a fair bit more energy to enable a more 'exciting list' he he, and to be honest maybe a different stage of life. I like this stage of life, I know for some it is immensely frustrating doing the mundane chores of mothering, But this week being able to do them is a lovely novelty for me. I am happy in my house, with more energy. Playing with my girl, not just hankering to go to bed a rest my achy bones. I sometimes worry I have lost all ambition and drive, but then I see my girl trying to build a tower, saying words, and generally being a 17 month old, and I feel contended and hugely blessed.

Head on and see some more if you liked these .....

partyofseven

somemothersdoaveem

yeastandwest

Tagged: What's on your iPod

2012-01-29T12:28:00.000-08:00

I have been 'tagged' ( how very '2012' !), by the blogging mumma superstar type lady Sarah @ Partyofseven. On 'What's on your iPod' feature I guess you might call it. I have been instructed to 'shuffle' and see what comes up first.

I would like to give her a special thanks as I have FINALLY learnt how to 'embed' a youtube clip.Yes I know, I have arrived at new blogging dizzy heights......

So here goes with a quick 'shuffle'........

I felt nervous, cos it's not great to look like a total looser on things like this really, and also you don't want to look too good, like you might have cheated.

First up, Adele from her album 19 with 'Tired'

(Check out adele pre fake lashes)

Black eyed peas 'If you want love'

Lauryn Hill 'doo wop' this is one of my favourite tunes of all time and I never tire of it.

Slightly random one, it's from the soundtrack 'Ocean's twelve ' and I think it's the bit where they are setting up the heist in Vegas. (The good bit of the song kicks in about half way through btw)

Blues Legend "muddy waters' singing his self named tune.

So there you go. Could have been worse I guess.

God on Mute

2012-01-29T08:03:00.000-08:00

God on Mute' is a book I am currently reading. I've been meaning to pick it up and consume it's wisdom for some time now, and last month I finally made it. It's a book I feel could have been written for me. Of course it wasn't, and reading a book like this only reminds me that 'some of us, are like the rest of us' in our doubts confusion, despair and endless questions.

One of my friends lent it to me, a friend who is what my mum would call, one of life's 'steady eddies', often a source of wisdom, support and guidance to me, and also a lender of books, this is by far the best of her lendings.

In a nutshell it's an in depth look at prayer, mostly the grey cloud of unanswered prayer, and healing.

Having been a Christian for a rather loooooong time, I have come across various schools of thought about the 'why does God not always answer prayers' questions. To be honest, a lot of other people's thoughts on this topic have never quite sat right with me. But it's kind of hard sometimes to go against the grain and say, 'what ARE you talking about?' when it's someone who is, well, a lot more 'in the know' about theology and the bible. Being a lady who often just reads a psalm to get her through the day, I have always presumed that maybe I was the only one who didn't really think that God would answer ALL of our prayers, in the way we asked.

I have wondered for a while why God hasn't healed me, and many other people I know. Then, halfway through writing this post I discover that my brother had prayed for me at a healing service last Sunday when I had a bad throat, these episodes usually last for weeks,sometimes months, and I was astounded that I felt better on Monday. Only yesterday do I discover that his prayers seems to have caused a lovely little bit of healing for me. It's great. But confusing that God healed my sore throat but not the bigger problem. This leaves me so very thankful, but also just a little bit more, well, convinced that we just don't really know why God does what He does, when He does, but that He does care for us deeply.

God is good, but He does let bad things happen, and that confuses me too, and always will. But I'm ok with that. People who say that the bible doesn't contradict itself clearly haven't read the same one as me. But I can cope with a confusing contradiction or two. I don't feel the need to squash my belief and faith in God into nice neatly labelled boxes. The life that God has given me, here on this earth is painful, sad and hard quite a lot of the time. Not just because I have CFS, that is hard, but there are worse things. But because of the pain my friends go through too, and when you have good friends, you go through it together don't you ? And as I notch up years on this earth, I become more aware that, well there are a whole load more unpleasant and hard to handle things which my family will probably encounter before our days on this earth are over. I want to walk with God through them, not just keep wishing they weren't happening.

I am learning not to fear suffering. Why? because I can find God in it. I don't always have to be eager to run to the end and see it go, healed, removed, whatever we call it. But sit in the pain for a while. Just like when I go out and do some gardening I like to have muddy hands for maybe a bit longer than is necessary.

This is a rambling post, the book 'God on Mute' however is not. It address the big questions around unanswered prayer and suffering, provides a teaspoon of theology, and a big old ladle of hope, hope for those in the mud, the waiting for something to change, to get better.

Heaven is where it will 'all come up millhouse' as the famous yellow guy says. I look forward to heaven, often. Not because I don't want to live anymore, but because that is where we get to really live, to live in the painfree, grief free, life filled bodies we were made to have.

Obviously I recommend you read it yourself,

Week in pictures

2012-01-26T11:09:00.000-08:00

This weeks offerings, mostly out and about.

If you click on the first image you can view them as a slideshow type thing.

First crocus of the year

Animals, animals, wet and dry........

Pointing pointing

Learning to drive

'Me and my shadow...'

Tent time

A hat princess beatrice would be envious of ?

Check out some real photographer's 'week in pictures' from around the globe here. I love the chicken crossing the road, and the tuba in the tree is pretty great, wouldn't see that down my street.

ten on tuesday

2012-01-24T12:45:00.000-08:00

Flying in with a quick 10 - 2 = 8.......... Bit of a sick bay in our house today, so slightly brain dead.

1. My lovely Mum and Dad came over on Friday for a visit. After lunch I heard from upstairs much laughter and 'how do you work your camera' from my Mum. After a brief tutorial through the floorboards, and a exclamation of 'oh I haven't taken the lens cap off' this was the result.

Here she is, happy with her Grandma, teddies and beloved 'baaw' ( ball to you and I) Check out the bottom photo, ignore if you will the half closed eyes and look at the pose on her. The way she's sitting could be in a catalogue ...... !

2. This week I haven't listened to any news and generally have no idea what is going on the world. It makes me feel a little like a clueless mummy, but have to say it is quite nice to have a break from being concerned about the state of our world, for just one week anyway.

3. Little tike found her door bouncer in the cupboard, and was quite insistent that she went in it. Not really intended for a 16 month old, but hey she seemed to enjoy it.

4. My attempts to go cold turkey on the trips to the shop or buying things isn't going too well ! Birthdays need buying for, and the internet is just very tempting for browsing....mmmmmmm not quite the consumer detox I need really.

5. We have a little tradition of a trip to costa over the road on a monday morning. Normally waving at the pensioners is how she likes to roll, but my purse was much more exciting this week.

6. Is winter over yet ? please please can it be.

7. I was listening to a bible podcast this Saturday, the bit where John the baptist has his head cut off cos some lady wants it on a plate. Now, correct me if i'm wrong but what an odd way for a man like him to die. Someone who was kind of born with a sign on him, saying 'I'm preparing the way for the messiah' and all that. In bible terms pretty important, and then his life ends because of some crazy ladies' whim. God confuses me sometimes, in fact a lot of the time actually. Yes He is great and awesome, but definitely has some unusual things happen on His watch.

8. Recently re discovered pies, meat pies. There is something so nice about a meat pie with a good shortcrust pasty mmmmmmmmm delish.

Linking in with the other '10 on Tuesday' gang.

yeastandwest

apartyofseven

somemothersdoavem.blogspot.com

The discipline conundrum

2012-01-23T11:54:00.000-08:00

The difference between looking after someone else's child and caring for your own are numerous. But one of this biggest differences; if they turn out to be a bit of a brat............it's kind of your fault.

This dawned on me a few months ago. The time has come where my sedentary cute baby has become a toddler with her own will and desires. And that looming question has arrived, the 'how do we discipline this child without totally screwing her up' question.

There are many schools of thoughts out there, the 'talk to them about it til your both tired and they are already thinking about the train set they can see out the corner of their eye, rather than listening to you' theory.( yeah can you tell i'm not a huge fan of this one) The 'smack them' theory, ( kind of a bit unsure about this) and the kind of ignore all 'negative behaviour' but just reward the good stuff.( not a fan of this one either) Most people I know fall into the bit in the middle of all of these, imagine if you will a 'venn diagram' and that bit in the middle where they all overlap.

I don't know what I think yet, but I'm realising that I need to get my head round it pretty quick, cos soon she'll be 5 and by then, well you've kind of done the damage haven't you ?!

What I do know, is that I think I'll be doing her a discredit if I bring her up thinking she is the centre of our family, and any other communities she finds herself part of, cos she's not and nobody will treat her that way, so, well, she'll be one frustrated and unhappy little girl. I also know, that as a very strong willed person myself, if my parents hadn't been fairly heavy handed with the old discipline, I would probably be a bit of a bitch.

So as you can tell I haven't really reached much of a conclusion. I do know that when she throws her food on the floor, (well she flings it really) that it REALLY annoys me, but is it a 'disciplinable offence' I change my mind on this one regularly. So I've already fallen at the consistency hurdle haven't I ? Ho hum.

I do also know that I think hitting another person seems like an awfully unpleasant way of behaving. But then is 'smacking' different. Is is all about the intent behind it ? rather than the act itself ?

I am very pleased there are people who have devoted their careers to thinking about these things, and I find their books helpful, but, well, I can't leave it all to them, cos they're not the one responsible for my little beauty, I am.

So here end my musings on this topic for today, hoping that tomorrow will bring a little more insight as i tread carefully along the tightrope that is bringing up another person.

Just a little footnote, I am very much in a team at all this with my lovely Husbando on these issues, but it's easier to write it as 'I'. And to be honest, right now he's playing a star wars game on his computer, and not thinking about such things !

Peppa love

2012-01-22T02:05:00.000-08:00

Just looking through some photos, and stumbled across this. Even with the hideous plastic dummy, I love this photo.

Week in pictures

2012-01-19T06:19:00.000-08:00

I've loved looking at the msnbc 'week in pictures' photography from around the globe for a while now, depicting some of what is going on in the world in one brief snapshot. A great way to catch up with news, and things which are often not as widely reported. you can see this weeks here.

I thought i'd start my own. Mostly for my own keepsake, to look back and remember the mess and images from out life in the Deane house.

Feel free to have a looky look yourself.

If only they were all in focus, and my subject didn't move quite so much :)

My only rule with myself is i have to take a picture of something as I find it.....

Transport toys are all the rage this week...

Shoes, shoes, shoes.

Where would we be without a humble piece of toast.

And of course a cup of tea in a lovely sophie conran cup.

Funeral home for roses

GLASSES

Construction....no planning permission required.

ooops.

Ten on Tuesday

2012-01-17T11:23:00.000-08:00

1. This week I shocked myself with just how my brain sometimes makes connections a l i t t l e b i t s l o w.
While at the Dr surgery I glanced across and saw a little baby with a piece of wood with shoes strapped on, thus keeping his feet in one place. Did I think to myself...' wow i've never seen a piece of medical kit like that before, he must be receiving treatment for his joints somewhere from the hip down. No, I thought, ' That baby has a snowboard, how unusual.' seriously, that is what I pondered for more than a few seconds. I even shocked myself with this one.

2. Little tike has started to say a few more words, this weeks selection are 'bobble', 'out', and 'ham', interesting choices.

3. Last weekend I had my usual thought of, 'right we need to get out the house and go for a walk'. These thoughts are often followed by a few things in our house.
Firstly the realisation that with me, a walk has to be fairly short, so is always just a bit unsatisfying. As it's kind of, get out the car, wander just to the car is out of sight, then come back.
Secondly that the Husbando it quite happy spending an afternoon at home as he has been at work all week and not cooped up without transport and a small child mostly indoors.
Thirdly that you all have to get dressed and leave.
Anyway, all the aforementioned processes had happened, and I dragged us all to a country park type thing near where we live. But it was one of those times where, really, we should have just stayed home.
It was cold, and very windy. Little tike wasn't loving her 'bracing british trip in the great outdoors' quite as much as I had thought she would, and well, after lots of inning and outing of the pushchair, and another short and un satifying walk, we came home and ate chocolate. Will I learn for next time ? I doubt it.

4. I have recently discovered this, a great way to listen to the bible and read more than a verse of a psalm.

5. We have inherited lots of plastic paraphernalia for our garden that Little tike can play with. Lovely for her, and we are very grateful for it, but when you look out of the kitchen window, you see plastic, not flowers and loveliness........ah well.

6. The local indoor play centre, soft play type place near us charges for water, surely that's not allowed ? And there is a sign saying that you are not allowed to take children's feeding cups into the restaurant either, seriously......................You think I am going to pay nearly a fiver, then £1 for water, and then have to buy a sugary fruity drink for my child too...I don't think so ! There is beaker smuggling a plenty when I visit that establishment.

7. Due to the CFS monster, I haven't been able to take Willow swimming properly. So am thinking of trying to find somewhere to go away with an indoor pool attached, reduces energy output required if it's in your house, and less persuasion required for Daddy too :) I'm always scheming when it comes to holidays, think I should have been a travel agent.

8. I need to get me an iphone, there are so many beautiful moments I could catch on camera if I did. But for now, my trusty £10 phone will serve me well. (And you can just about make out the photos on it, so I shouldn't complain !)

9. Spring really isn't far off now, the crocuses are coming out to play, and my tulips are shooting their little heads through the frrrrrrosty soil.

10. While watching 'escape to the country' this week I had the fleeting thought, 'wow, how the other half live'. Then I gave myself a brief slap round the chops, and reminded myself that actually I am 'the other half', the difference between how I live and the majority of the world is huge. The difference between how I live and someone who lives in a house worth £600k with 4 stables a pool is nothing compared to most people. Running water, electricity, peace and food, all things which separate me from the other 80% of the worldwide population. mmmmm put me in my place.

Linking in with the other ten on tuesdayers

Sarah

Helen

lucy

It's funny bringing up a little one.....

2012-01-16T07:13:00.000-08:00

Little tyke is now 15 months old and just altogether very cute. Apart from her mealtime antics of throwing food and generally being a pain, She is just a true delight.

I don't really want this phase to give way to the next. Not because I think she will become any less lovely, but because, well, I have always longed for this stage in my life, and now it is here it goes by so very fast.

Then mixed in with all these feelings, are the ones when 3pm hits, that's when the grot slot begins i think. I tend to wish the next 3 hours away...if....we....can....just....make....it....to.....6pm, cos once you reach 6pm your home and dry, bath, bed. AND RELAX.

So it's an odd combination isn't it ?

Not wanting it to go by too fast, and suddenly find yourself choosing their senior school and wondering where the time went, but in reality, most days, hoping that the days were maybe just 2 or 3 hours shorter.

mmmmmmm I guess it's just how it is.

A little girl with a curl and a bit of tv

2012-01-13T10:53:00.000-08:00

So, mummy was ready for a sit down, so the tv went on as 3 o'clock arrived. I have a theory that if it's 3 o'clock it's ok !

She looked cute, I took a photo.....

Or two......

Well I couldn't resist this one, look at that curl.

Matches and a one year old

2012-01-12T04:36:00.000-08:00

'Mummy can we make some fire please ?'

Parenting low point. I thought 'ah she's happily playing upstairs while I make a cuppa' ......

..alas, there were matches.

Ten on Tuesday.

2012-01-10T11:35:00.000-08:00

1. My little Journey of not shopping has shown up my true love for purchasing things. This week I looked forward to going to the shop to buy toothpaste....sad, but true. I am also sorting out our pushchair for a friend to borrow and it needs a few new wheels and an extra seat, so I am buying that too......fallen off the wagon already maybe ?

2. Little tyke LOVES being chased, she thinks it is highly amusing, thanks to her Dad's antics of playing the 'chasing' game, it is one of her favourite things. This can prove a bit tricky at times when you don't want to do the chasing, in the library, at the end of a loooong day, or when trying to leave the house....watching her run down the sloping path careering towards the road ( albeit a very quiet one) is a little stressful.

3. Today I had one of those moments where I wished I had my camera with me, Little tike was running away from me ( see the theme here ?!) with one oversized welly on, with angel wings lying wonkily on her back, the light shone and just caught the moment perfectly. Although I can't share it here with anyone else, it will remain in my memory for a long time.

4. I have come to hate the phrase.. ' we are human beings, not human doings'. While I realise the sentiment behind this catchphrase has it's place. It isn't true, we are human beings.... and we are designed to do things. While I realise for some, the balance of rest and work needs to be readdressed, and believe me I know all about being driven by what I 'do'. But we are designed to 'do' things most of the time, or we'd all starve, die, get diseases etc etc. You get my point. Being active, achieving and 'doing' is good for our mental health as well as physical.

5. Turns out my over enthusiastic purchasing of little converse shoes on ebay for W has come to good use. Just one pair of shoes for a toddler in a 3 story house is just not the way to go. Can guarantee they won't be on the same floor, at the same time when you need them.

6. Does anyone know what bicarbonate of soda actually is ?.........it tastes gross in toothpaste, and anyone who says otherwise is just wrong.

7. Another of my lovely friends has offered to help me with Little Tike one afternoon a week, I'm not sure how I managed to accumulate such lovely friends, but I have, and for that along with other things, I am very grateful.

8. Our car is due it's MOT in two weeks time, holding breath, and hoping, desperately hoping that it will last us another year. That or Mr Branson will be buying us a new one.

9. Our longue is looking increasingly like a corner of toys r us, doesn't quite match the decor and ambience I am trying to create, but, do you know what, I wanted a child, so in a funny way I quite like it.

10. Already beginning to plan a spring/summer holiday.......where to go, where to go. Love to go camping and canoeing, but not quite sure the CFS monster will grant me the energy for such antics, so will have to come up with something else.

Linking in with a few other 'ten on tuesday' ers

Sarah

Lucy

Here begins a brief little journey....

2012-01-04T06:16:00.000-08:00

So.. ......I have decided to take myself on a little journey over the next few months. A journey of not going to the shops ( other than for foody householdy things) and attempting not to be thinking about what to buy next.

I am a bit of a lover of retail therapy, often not the expensive type, but I just like going in shops and buying things ! I seem to often be working out how I can acquire new things, improve things, buy things.

Between now and, maybe march, I am choosing to focus my ebay bidding, sales hunting mind, onto something else. a tricky thing given that we practically live in a retail park, and have a growing toddler who is the perfect exuse for buying things for. But these past few months with birthdays and Chistmas have been all about they buying.

It's not really a money saving exercise, (although that will be a plus side) or a new years resolution. More of a break for my brain. In the hope that in the dessert of not buying things will spring up a leafy, lush creativeness which has been dormant for a little while now.

I have been on this journey before and it was good for my soul. My little soul has been a bit battered this past year, and needs some tending.

Ten on Tuesday

2012-01-03T09:15:00.000-08:00

1. I watched one of those...'lists of things' on tv this week, the sort they put on to fill a scheduling gap, cos all the presenters are still in their pjs at home on new years day. This one was of 'number 1s in the 00's'. in 2002 the female r n b artists wore a lot more clothes, and the sexual frolocking which takes place in music vids was much less, well, pornographic....... How come it's got so much worse in just 10 years ?
Have the male film directors just got more debauched, or have we just got less sensitive ?

2. W has taken cuteness up a level this past week, she is now lining her teddies up and giving them drinks and sharing her food with them....so very sweet.

3. She is also adding words to her vocal on a daily basis, and today when I paused the 'fun song factory' dvd and said we were turning it off, she looked and me and said.. 'no, two'......... soon she will be cleverer than me, and at that point i'm not sure what I will do.

4. This year I hope to cook a bit more, so that we manage to eat more veg and healthy stuff. Husbando does a great job cooking our food, but veg and him aren't the best of friends. So if the energy allows, I hope to make friends with a bit of vegetarian cooking once more.

5. It's come to that time when most people with a 16ish month old toddler. begin to ask that question 'shall we have another baby'.......and like most things child related, people will tell you that the age gap between their children is the way to do it. Who's gonna turn round and say ' well actually I hate the age gap between our kids, and wish I hadn't had number 2' no one. So I guess what transpires in the Deane house, will just transpire, and sure enough in 8 years time or so, i'll be advising a first time mum when to have a second based on when our number 2 arrives !

6. I am currently in deep deliberations about what colour/tone to paint our longue. Money is tight in our house right now - like most people i guess, so i asked for B+Q vouchers for Christmas to facilitate said decorations. Hence I really don't want to get it wrong ! I also will be relying on willing family members to do that painting, so can't really say to them, 'well actually, I don't like it, can you come over on another saturday and do it again please.....'

7. I have always had a love affair with trees, They are just the most amazingly beautiful, awe inspiring things. This one caught my eye over the christmas holidays. ( well actually it caught my Dad's eye and then he drove me to see it, so it could catch my eye, and my camera lense ) The Apples on it looked gorgeous and, as ever, when the light is right, everything in nature looks even more stunning.

8. I met with two mum friends today, they were both commenting that they had loads of christmas vouchers and didn't think they would get round to spending them, as they weren't good at spending vouchers. This is an entirely alien concept to me.

9. I am slowly getting used to working the camera I got for my 30th last year, maybe when I hit 40 I might start taking proper photos and edit them properly and everything .... mmmmm, we'll see.

10. Husbando went back to work today, had mixed feelings. First day back in some kind of routine with W on my own is kind of nice. But not having access to a car, or much energy to walk very far, can sometimes make me feel like a caged bird. I think most parents who are at home with their kids a lot can feel like this regardless of their health, but not having an extra pair of hands, and a personal chauffeur and 'lifter of heavy things' will take a bit of readjustment.

If you want to see some more entry's you might find some here and here!

The new year beginneth

2012-01-01T12:01:00.000-08:00

Our year began with a little trip to a lovely park. Having moved a bit further out of the city recently, we don't visit this park as often as we used to. It was like coming home to visit an old friend.

Left the house in torrential rain, but arrived at the park and it had stopped.... the sun even attempted to show it's face .... briefly.

This little one could not be stopped by the wet, just too cute. He also shared his crisps and drink with W, yes he's that kind of chap already, and we love him. (He also has the most adorable hands I have ever seen on a small person, and when he does the actions to 'twinkle twinkle little star' those chubby fingers are just adorable )

Little tike on the swing, shortly before throwing herself head first down the slide. Thankfully she still has all her teeth.

We ended our day at my in laws, with a perfect roast dinner..... mmmmmmmm.

First day of 2012, not bad at all.

the year endeth....

2011-12-31T11:29:00.000-08:00

2011 has been an eventful time,
so i thought i'd write this wee rhyme.

There has been winter, spring and some summer too,
My hair grew lots so i got a new 'do'.
The little tike was a baby and now is a toddler,
Giving me lots of laughs, tears and of course blog fodder.

My garden is growing and taking shape,
A flower bed and veggie patch i did make,
We have holidayed in suffolk, wales and the lakes,
Sitting in cafes, and eating, eating lots of cakes.

I have hopes and dreams for 2012, but most of all I just hope,
That the weeks aren't too hard, and I can manage to cope,
With the fun and trials of being a mum,
a friend, a wife ( still with a good bum!)

This year i've shed tears for myself and others,
Who have lost sons, friends and brothers.
There is always joy, loss and much more,
I hope i can stay smiling and not become a bore.

I am now going to see the new year in, with an early night,
Why try to stay up late and wait for midnight ?!
So here's to saying 'goodbye' to last year,
It has been an interesting one but i'm glad to see it's rear.

Christmas times and thoughts.

2011-12-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

Well, Christmas has been and gone, but it has been good. Really good. There have been the usual cold viruses lingering, but they have been mostly kept in their place with a bit of rest and a lot of night nurse.

Family, it's all about family really isn't it, and I am super fortunate to have a great one. Yes they are loud, and a little stressful at times, but they love me, and I love them. So really, that's all I can ask for. Oh, and they buy me nice presents which helps too !

A few (slightly cheesy) photos

My little family-not very often we get a photo with all of us.....

This picture captures a Christmas moment perfectly, slightly hilarious charade taking place.....

Such mild weather, W and her Gramps enjoying the garden.... cuteness.

As well as riding in wheelbarrows, Little tike has got the hang of unwrapping gifts, It's such a pleasure to see her little face light up as she sees another plastic toy waiting to greet her with noises, sounds, and a general assault on the senses.

I have been thinking quite a lot about Mary this year. Travelling on a donkey of some type while in the end stages of pregnancy can't have been the best really can it ? And why someone didn't give her somewhere better than a stable to stay when in labour, i don't know. Someone in my family did point out to me that in those days people had lots of babies, so it was a bit more normal. But, you know, I still think someone could have swapped rooms with her while she was in labour, I am all for natural childbirth, but in a stable with cattle? i think that is taking things a little far. And maybe the shepherds should have tried to bring a midwife with at least some gas and air and a bit of paracetemol for the after pains ? but no, a sheep. nice one gentlemen.

But Jesus was born, and regardless of how damaged his birth left Mary, he arrived. Well done Mary. Well done God for sending Him. But maybe you could have caused people to discover pain relief and skilful midwifery a few thousand years earlier.........just saying.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-12-20T12:36:00.000-08:00

Wow that week has gone super fast..... for me it has been all about shoes, snow and slavery !

1. The little tike has reminded me today of her energetic self, her ability to find things she shouldn't and generally get up to mischief - the week of sitting on the coach watching tv was nice, but she is definitely on the mend now.

2. I fear her obsession with fire may be growing, beginning to regret teaching her to blow out her birthday candle.....pyromaniac in the making ?

3. ...Is the number of converse shoes/boots she now has .....little bit of confused ebay bidding took place this week... ooops.

4. Her first trip to clarks for her proper 'first shoes' took place this week. Her beautiful Grandma came for the day, and we had a little trip out. It was one of those special times I'll always remember. Being that W's first word other than dad daddy and hiya, was 'shoes' it was kind of enevitable that she would enjoy her trip to clarks. 'shoos, shooe, shooes' she exclaimed as she ran around the shop. Bless her, then she saw the bag with charlie bear on who she calls 'ted' and her little one year old mind nearly blew it's top :)
So clarks is now her new favourite shop, can't wait to introduce to 'office' and Schuh' one day though, cos lets face it, the shoes in there are far nicer !
I was too knackered to have my camera with me, but the memories are firmly etched in my brain.

5. Snow, It made a little appearance last week.

6. This Sunday was our first Christmas party of the season, starting with the in laws annual get together.

Little tike and her Nan who she loves very much. She is one blessed little lady to have so many doting Grandparents.

7. Been thinking a bit more about the whole slavery issue, have been thinking about how when slavery was abolished all those years ago, there would have been so many people who had slaves, who when it became illegal to force people to work for no payment, they wouldn't be able to have afforded the help. So they would have had to go without, which would have been a huge change for many households/farms and businesses. There would been luxuries cut where the help was essential to the business so they had to go without other things. Or there would have been ladies all over the world suddenly needing to learn a skill or two around the house. Just food for thought about all the things we buy which we deem as essential which may be fuelling the slave trade today.

8. Got a bit of birthday money through this week, so have just bought myself a few little treats from Laura Ashley home. The sort of things I would never be able to find in pound stretcher on my weekly budget, so i'm VERY excited. I love a quality household accessory !

9. I think Christmas sometimes brings out the worst in people... don't believe me? Just pop to the tesco near me, drive a car around and see what you think then .......Christmas shopping does bad things to people. talk about impatience. But it can also bring out the comedy side to a shopping trip. ( see previous post )

10. All these lovely gifts ready for the big day.......Don't think W realises that between her and a piece of stripey fabric is a lovely new teddy !

Well, happy festivities one and all, see you on the other side.....

Oh yeah, and Jesus was born........... He's the reason for the season !!!

Turkey

2011-12-19T14:06:00.000-08:00

So, I just made a brief trip to the supermarket to buy the Christmas Turkey. We ( well, hubster and brother ) are cooking it this year, as I was beginning to feel a little nervous that we wouldn't get one ..... all it would take was a freak blizzard and all the trucks could get stuck, you laugh, but it could happen, and I wasn't being the person responsible for a turkeyless Christmas, heck no.

I step inside the hooooge supermarket, and ask at the customer service desk if the fresh Turkeys were in, as soon as the words left my lips, I knew I was in for a less than straightforward answer.....the guy looked at me blankly, then kind of murmured... ' erm, i'm not sure, but, er, well I think it will be sometime this week' I managed to hold the smile from my face, or at least make it look like a 'thankyou for helping me' smile, not a ' REALLY ? well i never expected that the turkey's would be sold the week running up to Christmas' smile. He then turned to the lady next to him, who was asked the turkey related question... she paused, looked up a bit, in a thoughtful kind of way and said, very seriously, ' I think it will be sometime this week' .......Oh, i am glad I was on my own, or laughter would surely have followed. So I (very politely) said I would just go and have a look, and thanked them for their 'help'.

When I arrived at the chilly isle full of vacuum packed meat, sure enough, there were a few turkeys lurking in the bottom of the chiller. Not being able to find quite the weight I wanted, I asked another unsuspecting shop assistant if he could look for the size I was after in the store cupboard thingy out the back. He very kindly obliged and after a few minutes returned with exactly the same size that was already there, so I said I would just have a look and decide what size to get, just as I thought he had walked off, he proceeded to tell me that, in the store cupboard there were turkeys 'this small' - hands cupped into a small size, and how it was really cruel to kill a baby turkey. I was unsure weather to break the news that killing a baby turkey wasn't really any more cruel than killing a big turkey, when he said ' the little ones have got so much more to live for, the older ones don't mind cos they have had their life'.................... where to start.....?! 'um, well, i'm not sure if these turkeys really have a good life at all, they were probably squashed in a dark barn with lots of other turkeys anyway.' ....... he looked a bit perplexed and said, 'oh, i thought it was just chickens which got treated like that', and so we carried on, having a very lovely chat about the cruelty to animals thing.
After finally selecting my turkey, which has to be said, is a lot bigger than we need, but I felt I had to buy one and couldn't bear going to another supermarket tomorrow to go through the same process all over again, I dragged it to the checkout, at which point the lady said to me '£40 for a turkey, that's well expensive' ! Not entirely sure their manager would be too pleased with such comments, but all in all, the staff were very friendly, and most definitely amusing.
So despite the fact that our bird hasn't lived a 'happy running around outside kind of life', I wouldn't have had quite such a fun time trying to buy it at the farm shop now would I ....?

Now to fit it in the fridge.......

2011-12-15T13:37:00.000-08:00

So, I'm writing this post on husbandos iPhone, under the bedcovers as I'm In bed early with my little tike trying to get her to sleep. She's been puking and coughing so I have taken pitty on her...... A decision I may regret.its hard to be too harsh on her when she's crying a. Dry sad croaky cry. Thinking she was feeling very unwell I decided to get into bed with her to provide comfort and love in her hour of need.... She's not stupid, she is now sat up bouncing around peering over saying 'muuuuum'.... She knows whose in charge ! And it certainly isn't me !

Ten on Tuesday

2011-12-13T05:15:00.000-08:00

Yay it's Tuesday again....

1. Festive loveliness encapsulated in one cute pair of slippers....

2. The little tike has been a bit poorly this week, this is where she has mostly been sitting, peering over the sofa at her beloved 'small potatoes' episodes.....Doesn't she just have the cutest little neck !?

3.A few shots of a view I can see from our sitting room, the sky finally showed it's true blueness for a few hours yesterday ...a welcome change from the dull grey drudgery.

4. I am hoping to take W to her first Christmas party on friday, I will not be making her sit on Santa's knee though, - there is something a little odd about that I think !

5. On the iphoto programme on our computer, there is a setting where you can 'de noise' your photos- wouldn't it be great if you could have one for your mind ? Mine is a very noisy place most of the time.

6. I am hoping to make some gingerbread this week, I even have all the ingredients before I start baking. So for once in my life, if said baking does occur, I may even follow the recipe precisely.

7. I'm not entirely sure what is going on with our position in the 'eurozone', husbando tells me it's very rocky and 'altogether concerning', I cannot bring myself to loose sleep over it , and have decided that if the economy falls apart completely, I will run away and join an amish community somewhere, I think i'd suit one of their head coverings, and imagine I could quite get into quilting.

8. We have no chimney in our house, bit concerned about how santa will enter our home this year.....maybe he'll need one of these......

9. This week I am thankful for the NHS once more, how many people across the world can drive to their local pharmacy on Sunday, get to see a lovely out of hours Dr who was just as friendly as can be, and walk off with some medication and not have to pay. ( yes I know we pay in tax, but that's another thing altogether, and yes we did have to wait for an hour, but who cares - an hour is nothing in the grand scheme of things)

10. I am a bit sad there won't be a Gavin and Stacey Christmas special this year......

I often wonder what Dor is up to ? you gotta love the foul mouthed, elderly welsh lady !!

Pop over to the brilliant blog apartyofseven to see more 'ten on tuesdays' !

Teamwork is the way to go....

2011-12-11T12:24:00.000-08:00

I love being part of a team, 'Team Deane' my other half calls us, He named us that soon after we met, at our wedding we went out to the 'A team' theme tune.

But half of our team is often a little bit useless in the practical and physical activity stakes, and can often be found in tears in bed at 8pm, so the other half has to do the rest. He's a legend and just plods along regardless.
I've always loved being on a team, any team really. I love hard work and achieving a task altogether, I miss being able to play my part in equal measure to everyone else. Sitting by and watching just isn't as fun, and definitely less fulfilling. ( unless the task is unravelling tangled up wires - that has to be one of my least favourite things ) I HATE wires.

Today though, our little team did good. Most of the night was up with our little tike, coughing and sicking and generally crying. As the new day dawned we pulled together, didn't do that 'who is the most tired' thing, (which I defy any parents to say they have never done) and managed 'niceness' all day, both got a daytime kip to top up our sleep levels, and have ended the day ill and tired, but with that nice feeling you get when you know you haven't let to bad stuff beat you ! ......

It's great when it works like that isn't it ?

A girl can dream......

2011-12-10T02:40:00.000-08:00

Lying in bed watching saturday kitchen, and it's only adding to my hankering for being able to cook a 3 course meal for friends, oh, and take a trip to a hot hot beach.

Today i'd like to cook...

A delicious thai mango salad to start ......

Then, think i'd do a tasty lamb tagine

And finish with a lovely Lemon cheesecake with ginger biscuit base. ( Cheescake - LOVE cheesecake - who doesn't ? )

actually salivating looking at this photo.....

Then lets jump on a plane and head to .... Goa, I am a bit of a beach bum at heart. The thing I love about being on the beach, is it's life at a very simple level. No point in wearing makeup or doing your hair. Sand between your toes, bread and cheese with an ice cream to finish off. Being on the beach brings out the best in me, I feel at home in the waves and am just a bit lazy and don't like to wear shoes or preen myself for hours. Looking good in england takes quite a lot of effort doesn't it ? waging war on the frizzy hair inducing damp air, make up to cover up the sallow skin the winter produces. ......

take me to the beach....

this week i'd like to go to Goa, or Barbados would do......please, thank you.

a serious of unfortunate events

2011-12-09T04:02:00.000-08:00

So, I did have a few thoughts to which are slightly more interesting and meaningful than these, but it's been a loooong week and my brain is too tired. So instead, I shall share my series of unfortnate evens....

On Sunday my phone battery died, and it slowly dawned on me that I actually didn't have a clue where it was, and hadn't seen it for nearly a week. Sure it is in the house somewhere, yes it is stupid that I can't just look for it, but you try living in a 3 story house, with very limited physical energy while looking after a 1yr old and then come back and tell me if it's stupid or not ! ( this is what I have been telling myself all week, just to make myself feel better....)

On Monday......First time in months I had use of our car, but in between unlocking the car, and putting Willow in it I then went to try and drive and the car key had fallen off my keyring so alas i couldn't use the car. And pushchair in there too. Oh and I woke up with a dicky tummy so that made for fun frequent trips to the toilet.

Then came Tuesday, no huge catastrophes there, largely due to the fact that my very kind friend looks after Willow for me for much of the day, so it's mainly sleeping and tv.......not much can go wrong during those activities.

On Wednesday, Phone still missing,which just makes life inconvenient doesn't it? Trip to the eye doctor person, was meant to take 1 hr, took 2, Very lovely Dr, but putting eye drops in a 1yr olds eyes is never easy or pleasant for anyone involved. W had to wait for her pupils to dialate so they could see in them or something...so 1 hr of running around the waiting room ensued. When it was all finally over, I'd long missed the taxi I had booked, then had to wait in the hail for another one. Willow fell asleep at the wrong time, so no rest for Mummy. By end of day I was ready to calopse - and did so in bed, shortly after husbando returned home.

Arriving on Thursday,Woke up as exhausted as expected, bored Willow, so thought i'd try to go out to toddler group, got there, lots of noise, and snotty children all in one small space, shortly after arriving it became apparent that W was unusually tired and rosy cheeked, clung to me and moaned, couldn't go home, taxi booked for an hour later, no phone to ring to change it, had to sit it out. Tired crying child, Tired (inwardly crying me) oh and yes I forgot her dummy too.
Shopping due to be delivered at 8pm, at 9.30pm husband comes upstairs to ask where I thought it had got to, after a few calls realised I hadn't pressed 'checkout' ......so no food for us.

Friday................ not much for breakfast in this house ! But the sun came out inbetween hail storms, so that was a lovely treat in amongst all the catastrophes

Maybe next week will run a little more smoothly......?

Ten on Tuesday

2011-12-06T04:57:00.000-08:00

So, I had ten, but then they fell out of my brain somewhere in the midst of changing a nappy and decorating the tree.

So a new ten it will have to be......

1. For once this weekend, all the rooms in our house were semi tidy at the same time.....now that hasn't happened.... ever in this house.( moved in 14 months ago) It felt good, and probably won't happen again for a loooooong time.

2. I am taking on the 'christmas clothes' tradition that exists in liverpool, great excuse to buy willow a cute dress.

3. This week Willow experienced her first hail storm without the luxury of a rain cover, the rain cover and proper pushchair were locked in the car, I lost the key = wet Willow. Bless her.

4. I've never liked Tesco, but now really don't like it, it's big and brash, but the closest shop to me, so i'm there far more often than I would like. Souless and mass produced blaaaaaaaaaaa. Yes I still buy the vast majority of things we need from there though, so I shall step off my soap box....( for now )

5. There is lots of watering can fascination at the moment..... and yes she did try to drink from it - ew

6. I'm getting very much into the advent readings of this fella called Richard Rohr, he's a Benedictine Monk and has a beautiful approach to Jesus, Spirituality and what it means to walk with God. Just what the dr ordered for advent. ( although a 'Facebook friend' of mine gets Marilyn Munro cigarettes and false eyelashes in her advent calendar so surely that could be a contender?!)

7. This week we watched the bin men from the upstairs window, not the front door. I still felt like a bin man stalker even tho they couldn't see me !

8. I have a beautiful creeper in my garden, which is meant to be dead by this time of year, but it continues to flower.... gotta love a plant's determination

9. I'm trying to implement a 'no computer' sabbath in our house during sunday ( evenings are permitted ) - it's a difficult one..... all my ebay purchases end on that day... But there has to be a break from the WWW doesn't there ?

10. One thing I love to do when energy permits is dig in the garden. I love mud, planting plants, digging out weeds, cold hands, dodging worms, putting in bulbs with the anticipation of spring colour. It's been a while since I've done it, but hoping to get out there soon before the frost sets in.

And as ever, 'ten on tuesday' is hosted by @apartyofseven.... head over to her bloggidy blog blog to see some more..... you might even get a tale of a winter vommiting bug if your lucky....yes she makes puking sound entertaining.

more thinkings.......

2011-12-04T11:24:00.000-08:00

I'm not entirely what prompted me to write this post today, but here it is...

A while back a friend asked me, 'how do you cope with having been ill for so long, and having a baby to look after ' i just answered her, ' I don't always' - cos sometimes, I don't. I think 'coping ' is overrated. This weekend has been lovely, and in the 'coping' stakes I am doing fairly well at the moment, but that's not always the case, and I don't think it is for anyone, is it ........?

Today I saw a lady who recently lost her beautiful baby daughter. Last week, a friend whose Son has been tragically taken to be with his maker far sooner than she was ready for. Both are going through horrendous berievement. Of course they will spend days when they can't get out of bed, cos the emotional exhuastion of grief is just too much. But there is a need to dialogue on how 'well' they are coping, or if they'r up and about. Now don't get me wrong, most people I know are hugely compassionate in nature, and aren't rushing any of my friends to be running around with smiles on their faces all day, but our culture seems to be all about the coping doesn't it.

When I watch news footage of wailing ladies in a war torn country kneeling around the body of their loved one, lamenting and crying as their emotional agony has nowhere to go, but escape in a heart felt scream. I think I have a lot to learn from them, from their freedom in expression, their complete submersion in the moment they are going through.

So many people in our society suffer depression at some point in their lives, depression is a far too wider term I think, and is very misunderstood, but much of it is suppressed emotion, denied feelings finally coming to the surface. I am determined to do my best to have days where I don't cope, where I do fall apart a little, where the raw emotion of the small difficulties of my life ( because really, they are small when you think of the grand scheme of things) , or the lives of others around me gets to me. It has too, it will only catch up with me eventually.

I have hair dye to cover up my ageing hair, make up to cover my dark circled eyes, a credit loan to cover up my debt, and happy photos on facebook which publicise the happy shots, but neglect to showcase all the moments in between when there are tears, arguments and grumpiness.

We have to choose a safe place for these feeling to come out ofcourse, a meltdown in tescos is never the best place, but I say lets all give up coping quite so much. Have a pj day, cry your heart out once in a while, and for goodness sake don't tell yourself you should be coping if your not !

Coping is overrated.

Falling apart, every now and then I think is what life is all about.

If you go down to the woods today....

2011-12-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

........you're sure to find us buying our Christmas tree !

First there was the looking...

Then there was the selecting...

'Not the Firs Daddy, they drop their pines all over the carpet, a norman Fern is what we need'

Then the transportation.....

Then Willow had to intervene and 'help'

Off home, made it in one piece, who needs a roof rack when you have a bit of lino, rope and a foxy husband who can tie any knot in the book.....oh yes, it made it home.....

Then came the decorating....

Festive loveliness......

A good day was had by all.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-11-29T12:44:00.000-08:00

......speedily speeding through a quick ten on tuesday

1. We're starting to work on developing some Deane Christmas traditions, so far it's christmas pyjamas for Christmas eve, and a trip to delemere forest to buy the tree are on the list.

2. We had our first night away without our little Tike. Was very lovely, we went to a friend's wedding in the lakes, and stayed in a lovely hotel. Yes, a hotel - not a tent, or a friends spare room, but a HOTEL ! I did miss her, until a small baby on the next table at the wedding started whinging at around 5pm !

3. My Ebay habit is getting a little out of hand. But I did get a great all in one puddle suit for Willow, however, I then discovered that a friend of mine and I who have littlies the same age, had been bidding against each other for the same things. How stupid is that ?

4. The Bin men on our street must think I fancy them, ... Willow loves watching them do their bin man business, so I have to stand there like a lemon with her til all the bins are emptied and the van has driven out of sight.

5. Chrissy to win 'i'm a celebrity'.........yes I am a trashy tv addict, but I do listen to radio 4 to balance myself out a little.

6. I am hoping that Father Christmas is going to bring me some of these... well I know he is, cos i'm going to buy them on his behalf.....

7. This Sunday, while sitting in a hotel longue, with a of cup of tea and cake in hand, I saw a photo of a Lady with her little baby strapped to her back, a pick axe in her grasp as she walked barefoot to do a days work down a mine..... kind of puts my struggles into perspective a little.

8. Advent is on it's way, this year I am trying to get a bit into the advent thing, to prepare myself a bit to reflect on Jesus and what His birth did/does and continues to mean.

9. Willow has now started saying 'muuuum' in a way I had hoped she wouldn't adopt for at least a few years, a kind of whiney sound. Oh and she also says 'car' like she has been to 'how to speak like a scouser' school.

10. Sorry Joe Mceldrey, but Michael Buble's christmas C D is much better than yours.

Some other blogger ladies I know write a '10' on this here day of the week, check em out if you'r in the mood.......

http://familyjamesfive.typepad.com/whats_going_on_in_the_jam/2011/11/ten-on-tuesday-
1.html

http://www.somemothersdoavem.blogspot.com/

A few mundane and fanciful thoughts.

2011-11-28T11:52:00.000-08:00

Ever since the last episode in the series of 'Beeny's restoration knightmare' I have often found myself wondering how they'r getting on. They have really got under my skin, and i'm not entirely sure why. It could be that there are elements of their lifestyle which i'd like, or things about the way they do things which seem fun. But I have almost come to think of them as people I know, which is of course entirely ridiculous.

For those of you who haven't a clue what i'm on about, Sarah Beeny is a property developing kind of lady, who often hosts tv shows about other people's redevelopment plans. But this time in 'documentary fly on the wall' style, they have followed her and her husbands journey through the restoration of their hooouuuuuuuge country hall/house type mansion......'Rise Hall'.

I think all of us have a TV personality we assimilate to. For some it's Nigella, ooozing feminitiy and a kind of 'naughty domestic goddess in suspenders' type of character. I lack the cleavage or love for food to feel I have a connection with her. Yes I like cooking and baking, but not quite to the extent she takes it.
Then there's Kirsty Alsop and her 'homemade home', I see a bit of myself in her, I like to make things, and do crafty creations, but don't quite share her taste in what i call, 'extreme vintage mumsiness', so at this point, Kirsty and I part ways. There are also the Trinny and Susannas/Gok Wans of this world, who want to style everyone to within an inch of their lives, again, I like clothes but get fed up with hearing the phrase 'bang on trend' so have to decline their offer of fashion aspirations. No, i'm decided, for me, Sarah Beeny kind of fits the bill, I am in reality, nothing like her. But I do find myself thinking that under different circumstance I could be !......... It is entirely nonsensical , but when I watch her mending things, sawing wood and generally getting stuck into a task, I find myself thinking, ' I could do that' or more often than not ' I'd love to do that'.

But then, I look around and see I live in a brand new house which needs no refurbishment, don't quite have the cash to fund such a project, and although I would love to have 4 children swimming in our own private lake, I have one little beauty and a tiny ( but lovely) garden. I don't feel envious of her, I am very content with my circumstances, it's more a sense of living a little dream of mine through someone else on tv.

So, do tell, which one are you..... ?

Are you a alsop wanna be ? a kindred spirit with Kirsty, or like me, a 'bang a nail in the wall beeny' ?!

and I guess if your a male species, then this post is clearly a little dull..... sorry.

Reflections, thoughts and nostalgia.....

2011-11-24T06:55:00.000-08:00

Although it was over a year ago when I was propelled into the world of being someone's mother, I have only just managed to sit back, look through some pictures, video clips, diary entries and reflect. Reflect on the year, the year of immense joy, exhuastion, confusion, happy times, tearful times, and desperately dark times.
Having a baby is a weird and wonderful thing, It has been something I have wanted ever since I can remember. and I feel immensely privileged to have been able to have my little tike. So many people don't who long to, not quite sure why it has happened to me, but I am grateful for it everyday. And I can say, a year on, I love being a Mum, I feel like I was born to do it.

In some ways the shock of having a newborn wasn't as much as i thought it would be, I had braced myself for this almighty change that everyone tells you, 'you can't ever prepare yourself for'. I found it just as i thought it would be i think. I was sleep deprived, but deeply satisfied. I'm not sure weather the years of having CFS had prepared me for coping with life being clouded by fatigue, but I seemed to navigate the first few months kind of ok, and definitely better than I had expected. I was fine with spending lots of time in my pyjamas, it was nice to have a reason for it. For once I felt like I wasn't abnormal feeling exhausted and not getting dressed til midday. That's what all first time Mums do isn't it ? Willow fed lots, the nipples cracked ( the people who say breastfeeding only hurst at first if you'r doing it 'wrong' are liars ), Dad retreated to the spare room in a bid for at least one of us to be sleeping, and the lovely visitors arrived with presents ! - I loved the presents :)
Those first few months are so very special, lots of cuddles, I loved the cuddles. Willow spent many hours asleep lying on my chest, I wasn't in too much of a rush to put her in her own bed, I knew this time would be fleeting, the night feeds, cuddles, and shushing, I wanted to treasure it, even if in hinds sight it probably made me unwell. I'd still do it again.

Willow was never really a screamer, if she was being cuddled, she was very content. So I just went with that, and it worked, contrary to popular opinion, she did learn to sleep in her own bed, did sleep through the night ( although she has lately changed that plan), and her Dad is firmly sleeping in our bed again. The luxury of the first baby is you can do all this, not sure how it'll be if another one arrives, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Willow wanted to be close to me, why wouldn't she? she spent 9 months inside me - how weird is that !!?? really really weird. Why wouldn't she want to sleep with her ear on my chest where she could hear the familiar sound of my heart beat, she knew it's sound far better than I have ever heard it.

But the newborn months don't last long, then came weaning. And around this time, about february, lots of things kind of fell apart a bit. The fatigue became debilitating. Life got really really hard. Friends helped, meals were provided, family stepped in and we got through, just about. At times I really did feel like I was going to go a bit mad, I stopped sleeping and the fear of never being able to look after my child as the fatigue overwhelmed me, became unbearable. I'll never know if it was delayed PND, the stress of moving just before giving birth, or just the plain old difficulty of having a baby, breastfeeding and caring for a child when my energy was already a lot lower than 'normal', I'll never know. But true to the cliche, I do feel stronger having lived through that time, and to some extent have come out the other side. Does it make me scared of ever going through that again, that nasty stage where my body cries out in exhuastion that I have created another person, squeezed it out, fed it and tending to it 24/7, yes it does. It really does.

There have been little holidays, her first paddle in a welsh river, a trip to the beach, baths in the paddling pool in the garden. Lots of fun at Nan's house, and trying to eat tadpoles in the pond and my parents. She has had a good first year I think, so many people who love her and want to make her happy.

The best part about her first year, is that I haven't gone through it alone. I, and she, are very fortunate not just to be 2. There are 3 in our immediate family- the family who live in our house. But there are lots more who contribute in love, time and energy.

I loved her first birthday. It was so much better than I had anticipated. My energy is still very limited, so I had prepared myself for it being a bit of a non event. But the sun shone, and the CFS monster allowed me to have a few lovely celebrations. I created her first birthday cake, tesco made the sponge and the icing, i just put it together and made it look pretty, the fun part i guess ! She did get to wear the lovely dress I wanted her to, she attempted to blow out her candle, and when she went to bed that night. I really did feel a sense of achievement.

Precious moments

2011-11-23T04:42:00.000-08:00

Willow and her little Pal. these two are so very sweet together, well, maybe the word is more scary than sweet. They both have a preference for hair pulling, and grabbing but always greet each other with a laugh and a giggle.

More balcony time.....

Ten on Tuesday

2011-11-22T12:46:00.000-08:00

I like to read the guardian at the weekends, (well usually the magazine bit and the travel and familly suppliments ) Tim dowling writes in the magazine, he is a self confessed moaning kind of guy, I find him more than a little annoying, and am still befuddled as to how he got that job. He rants on and on about his wife and how bad everything they do is/goes. This week I risk sounding a bit like him as I write, Willow is keeping us up at night and to be honest I'm just a bit grumpy today. Don't say I didn't warn you.......

1. I have loads of clear plastic packets with 'spare' buttons in. Are they ever likely to be there when i actually need one, No. They are just cluttering up my bedroom which already resembles a jumble sale. Hummpph. But i can't bear to throw them out, cos sod's law says a button will fall off as soon as I do.

2. Willow now says: Hiya, Daddy, Nanny, Shoes, teddy, Bob ( the builder) Mummy, tent, cake, and no - I am quite proud of her word choices so far. Cake and Shoes are my favourite by far.

3. This is perhaps the most ugly pig I have ever seen. He lives on a little farm not far from where we live. Poor guy, it's not his fault he can't see cos his ears are too big.....But I do think he's lovely in a kind of 'ugly pig' way.

4. My salt dough creations are coming along nicely, they have been painted red and have shiny silver ribbon on, all ready to decorate the house with. I love a bit of homemade festivities.

5. I am trying to decide if it's just that I was in 'post baby haze' last year during the festive season, or has christmas gone up a gear ? It feels a bit like father christmas has taken speed and is whipping everyone into a frenzy a month early.

6. We had a minor meltdown in our house today, when I said 'no' to Willow's request to watch the clip of herself laughing posted on my facebook page for the 6th time in one day. Who needs cbeebies when you can watch yourself on the silver screen...........ahem, drama queen in the making?

7. A lovely friend of mine came to my rescue today and let me have an hours kip. Once I had resurfaced we finished the afternoon in tesco cafe, having decided there was insufficient food in the house to feed our littlies, we went to the cafe to feed them their tea. Lets just say, it was like the circus arriving in town. But my kitchen looked less like a food fight had taken place in it, so that was good :)

8. Eight is my favourite number, just thought you might like to know.

9. We have started watching 'I'm a celebrity'. I like to balance my musings on world poverty, politics, and the problems of child explotaion, with the more serious issues of which minor celebrity can eat a kangaroo testicle. I do find it engrossing, and my love for people watching gets fed. What else is there to do at 9pm on a wintery night anyway ??

10. Willow has a fascination with these bunny ears. She likes to wear them on her head or around her neck, if i'm very lucky she lets me wear them too. I love my girl, she's a total loony but just scrumptious.

Monkey, Mostaches and a confession.....

2011-11-18T13:12:00.000-08:00

'Movember' got taken a step too far in our house.

During a recent trip to the safari park, this hairy fella jumped on our bonnet, which is after all why we went to the safari park. Willow was overjoyed as he proceeded to chew off the rubber nozzles which squirt the screen wash out. He knew exactly what he was looking for, I'm convinced that somewhere in Knowsley there is a scrap yard which is sourced by these cheeky monkeys. ( and if there isn't, then maybe a good idea for the next disney pixar ?)

And with no link whatsoever to the above................
A confession I feel compelled to share.

Ever sponsored a kid for a charity event, and thought, ' how do I know that they are going to give that money to charity and not just spend it' ? Maybe you haven't, but maybe you should.....

When I was about 11, a friend and I tied ourselves together all day to raise money for children in need, or red nose day, i forget which one, anyway, walking round together all day we managed to raise the slightly unprincely sum of £12, i can remember the figure well.

After a few weeks I took it to the post office to send the money in, that's what you did in those days, no pay by text. When i got to the post office, I decided to spend a bit of it, and then pay it back after. As you can imagine, this never happened and the cash never reached the vulnerable, hungry children in far flung countries, but bought me something, so naff and insignificant, I can't remember what it was.

Yes I know it's bad, and I am even shocked at my behaviour 18 years on........

Children aren't as honest as you think, even those that seem that way. Can you imagine this little cutie, doing such a thing .......?

Only time will tell if my thieving genes have been passed on !

Beautiful morning

2011-11-17T10:34:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up bleary eyes as usual, but the slightly grey morning which greeted me, slowly gave way to a fresh, bright, crisp autumn one.

It's amazing how it's the small things which can make or break your day with little ones isn't it ? Willow happily sat in her cot while I used the hairdryer ( she HATES the hairdryer), a dry straight fringe always makes my day feel better. Then we hopped in a taxi to take us to a friend's house who looked after Willow for me while I attended a Clinic appointment. We got our usual very friendly taxi driver, always lifts the pushchair in, and is just a generally nice guy, even when I left the house without sufficient funds to pay him. It's nice to be nice.

I then enjoyed something today which I rarely do, I walked the short distance from my friend's to the Surgery - without a pushchair ! :) it felt quite odd, but freeing too. I love walking, It's not something I am able to do a great deal, but I'd always prefer to walk somewhere if I can, rather than drive. I think you miss out on a bit of life if you just go from brick house to metal car, we were made to be in the fresh air, it's good for the soul.

So that's it really, a happy morning, followed by a restful afternoon while Willow was spoilt rotten by her Nan....... ( guess what large, yellow stuffed toy character awaited her as she arrived.......... ! ) They are just brilliant with her, and they are one of life's blessings to us.

On that note, I should get off the sofa and go round and get her and the large garish addition to her toy collection.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-11-15T13:23:00.000-08:00

definitely not the most inspired entry i've ever written, but here it is .........

1. Willow is now walking, bye bye baby, hello toddler. This is clearly not a photo of her walking but is very cute anyway, so thought i'd share.

2. Having finally bought some bulbs for the garden, i guess they need emerging into the soil if there is any hope of any spring colour in our garden next year.

3. As my little tot is now tottering, i think a trip to clarks is on the horizon. I love shoes, and am going to revel in picking her first pair. I don't think it'll be long until she chooses her own, so i am going to enjoy every minute of it while it lasts.

4. Like most people, I am a bit sick of hearing about the euro crisis, and wonder if China would like to buy my debt too ? At the moment it's firmly in the paws of Mr Branson and I would happily get rid of it altogether....

5. I've been watching the 'Frozen Planet', the penguins are just hilarious. It's definitely worth a watch.

6. The cold is beginning to set in, I am really not a fan of wearing socks, but have resided myself to the fact that, yes is November and yes i do have cold ankles.

7. My lovely other half just had a birthday, and is now the proud owner of an iphone 4S. 'Siri' has now taken my place in his life and reminds him about all the things he needs to remember . Feeling slightly pushed out :-/

8. Willow has done the thing that every slightly 'arty' mother dreads. She likes large, colourful, tacky, teddies. I am happy with small cuddly disney characters, But do we really need a huge winnie the pooh in our house ? really ? I saw a very lovely soft cute looking bunny in the 'white company' catalogue, i'm sure that is the better choice, and would definitely not clash with any chosen colour schemes in our house.

9. At some point soon I am going to have to get to the Library to return the books we borrowed a looooooong time ago. I think i was wearing flipflops at the time and the copy of 'nigella's christmas' certainly looked out of place on our bookshelf, That's the trouble with libraries you have to take things back.

10. I introduced Willow to MC Hammer this morning, she wasn't impressed. When i work out how to put youtube clips on here, you may get to listen !

My inner hippie cometh out to play.

2011-11-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

I have always been a bit of a tree hugging wanna be, i think it harks back to my tie dye wearing, vegetarian eating teenage years. I loved a bit of a chick pea curry and a dance around a field to a bit of folk music. But these days I find myself eating meat, which is rarely organic, listening to Will young - yes i admit i do like him. And throwing the odd plastic container in the normal bin cos taking it to where we keep our recycling is just too much effort.

There seems to be such a huge gap between what would be classed as 'mainstream' lifestyle habits, and those who actually do live a sustainable, ethical lifestyle. I like to think there is a middle ground, but after years of mulling this one over, I'm not sure there is. What is the point of me buying one dress from people tree, if my sunglasses are £1 from primark ? I have slowly waded my way through the thick treacly effort of ethical daily living, to the dry and easy island of ' ah well you can only do what you can do ey'.

Why should there be countless Indian children poisioned by the run off from living next to a dumping ground for all our electrical waste, just so i can have a flatter tv with a better screen ? Yes our old phones do have to go somewhere. And why should someone the same age as me be mining metals with their bare hands, so the chip in my laptop will work and won't cost us huge amounts of money ?

Having spent many years, writing to MPs, lobbying the bods in charge to make changes, I still find myself more often than not, buying a pair of shoes I know won't have been made in good conditions, and munching on a tasty orange which has probably been picked by someone in bonded labour. Let alone all the damage I do to the environment by not disposing of things properly..... tell me i'm not the only one who throws batteries in the bin cos i'm too lazy to recycle them at the local tip ?

So, I have no answers, and maybe this post is more a way of a public confession to make me feel better next time I drive to McDonalds, or decide i simply HAVE to have another pair of £2 flipflops cos the others don't match my earings ...........

So share any thoughts you have on this, i'd love to hear your views and ideas.

A cloudy week.

2011-11-12T07:22:00.000-08:00

It's been a funny week, kind of daunted as to what to 'blog' about, as to be honest, not that much has happened. I am usually the master of making even the most mundane occurrence fun, and report it with great gusto, but this week The CFS monster has been out to play and has kept me a bit cooped up at home. A few plans cancelled which I was looking forward to, and a feeling of frustration hovering over me like a cloud on a dreary day.
There have been a little outing or two to a baby group thanks to a very lovely 'Mummy friend' who came to whisk Willow and I away to a room filled with toys and places for Willow to roam. But there has been a lot of time in bed, and lying on the longue floor while Willow crawls around and gets up to mischief.

When I started writing a blog, i never set out for it to be about CFS, as i don't like to give it that much of a place in my life, but it really does affect everything so it's difficult not to include it really. As I write I start to think of the things that have happened, and there are often more than I realise, so i guess that's a good thing ....................

I met my friends new little squashy baby, weighing in at a whopping 11lbs, he was a delight to cuddle, and squeeze. A beautiful boy. There is something so special about new babies, they bring so much hope, optimism and innocence.

I also dipped my toe in the world of making ' salt dough', and I have to say I am rather pleased with the result. It has taken me a few days to clear up the mess and dry out the little creations. But we are well on the way to having some heart shaped christmas decorations to hang about the place when the festive season arrives. For me completing little creative projects like these are essential, they often take me twice as long as they should, as I get exhausted mid way through, and have to wait til another little portion of energy arrives to complete the task, but when I hang something on my wall, or send a little card in the post, it gives me a sense of achievement that watching TV all day just doesn't do.

One positive about having very limited energy, is that the thai meal I was hoping to cook to celebrate the Hubster's birthday, is now going to be cooked for us by a delicious thai restaurant, who also do take away - Wonderful.......... It will taste better, and they'll be no washing up to sit on the kitchen table for a few days til someone throws it in the dishwasher.
So, while I have shed a tear or two about not being able to cook for my beloved, I am thankful to 'chilli banana' and their culinary delights.

And a cheery, silly picture, to end a rather 'cloudy' post....

What more do you need in life, than your Gramps and a Rhubarb leaf as an umbrella ?

Ten on Tuesday

2011-11-09T11:57:00.000-08:00

Yes I know it's not Tuesday, but I started writing this on tuesday so hoping that counts......

1.Today was vaccination day in our house. Willow cried lots, but after cuddles, milk and calpol were administered smiles returned and tears were left behind.

2. At the said visit for the injections, Willow had a little crawl around the waiting room, and decided to do a little bit of 'sorting out' of the leaflets stand. The chlamydia info sheet was her leaflet of choice, so they were strewn all around and crushed and crawled on. Never too early to start sex ed ey ........?

3. My lovely Mum came to stay last night, she left this afternoon, and left behind flowers, a cleaner kitchen and a happier Daughter and Granddaughter. She's a legend my Mum.

4.Tortilini, it's pasta, but with a little treat inside it. But the treat often tastes a bit weird. Not sure I like it.

5.There are lots of money off vouchers written on bits of paper, floating around our house. But they NEVER EVER seem to be where they need to be at the right time to actually be of any use. It drives me mad ! - Their presence in my purse or on the kitchen table serve as a constant reminder that I'm wasting money, But am I ? Maybe my lack of organisation in using these blessed things is more a stab at remaining in control of when/where and how I spend our money ? Or maybe, just maybe it's because our house runs on a pretty thin tightrope of coping with daily life, and the saving 5p here and there really isn't as important as our sanity .......

6. I have lately been feeding my ever present desire to travel to South East Asia. A little look at some photos like these....

and a little gander at flight prices, are all contributing to my theoretical plans. What on earth makes me think I would have the energy to go backpacking around Vietnam i don't know, never mind with a 1 year old in tow.
But a girls gotta dream ey.

7.We have had an addition of one of these into our house lately.

Yes it is a pink monstrosity, but boy does it get used a lot. Whoever designed this eyesore knew what they were doing. If you have a lively 1 year old, i'd recommend one of these. They can get on it on their own, so you can lay on the sofa and watch them - no action required.

8. Stumbled across these little cheery fellas in the lovely 'cox and cox' catalogue, i think they would be a lovely addition to my hallway.

9. Christmas shopping has begun, not entirely necessary yet, but I like buying things, so it's just a way of buying things I'm meant to be buying rather than things I shouldn't be. ( that said I did find a lovely ring for £2 the other day in Dorothy Perkins, would've been rude not to at that price wouldn't it ? ) Did i mention i live across the road from a retail park? I can see the fluorescent signs luring me into their glare from my bedroom window. I am more of a 'little independant shops on a cobbled street' shopper, but when you can only walk a short distance and that takes you to a train station in one direction, or the retail park in the other, it's a given that i end up being dragged kicking and screaming into their doors to spend our cash.

10. This week I have been pondering this shocking statistic.....'The United Nations estimated that 2 - 4 Million women and children are trafficked around the world for purposes of forced prostitution, labour and other forms of exploitation every year.' This is just horrific. I find myself at a total loss as to what to do about it. There are hundreds of people campaigning and fighting against this monstrous criminal activity. But I can't help but think there is more I should be doing to contribute to fighting against this evil which is so deeply embedded into our world. I'm not sure if it's enough to just sit back and hope and pray that someone else somewhere will sort it out.

Remember remember the 5th of November

2011-11-06T11:36:00.000-08:00

One of my favourite nights of the year. A slightly toned down version due to the little ones in tow. But fun none the less......

Mmmmmm a sugar coated apple ..........Having recently had a rather lengthy discussion on Facebook about teeth brushing, the use of toothpaste or not, what a bottle can do to damage your child's teeth, and how milk last thing at night is bad. All rational went out the window when the toffee apples came out to play ...... oh and yes i did forget to brush her teeth afterwards......

Delicious toffee apples made by my very talented friend.....

Glow sticks a ( fairly poor) substitute to a sparkler for young little paws ....

Thank you Guy Faulks for make a naughty plan, I enjoy celebrating your 'not quite completed' gunpowder plot.

A weekend rhyme

2011-11-04T05:29:00.000-07:00

Friday is here, it's taken a while,
The morning is dragging as i look at the washing pile.
The weekend could not come soon enough,
This weeks been a long one, with ofsted and stuff.
Ofsted is a real pain, no one likes it at all,
But for once Mr D ironed his shirt, so that's a bonus even if small.

Bonfire night is here once more, all sparklers, bangers and fire,
i love the excitement as everyone gathers, to oohhh, ahhhh and inspire.
This day 6 years ago a husband I found, down on one knee in the park,
He asked me to be his wife, none of this posh restaurant malark,
Why he wanted me as his bride, was it my personality or love for life ?
Apparently not, but my tight ass which made him want me as his wife !

We'r not really too civilised in our house you know,

Wearing a warm hat and wellies it's off to the park we go.

Walking through leaves, stamping in the mud, cold noses all glowing red,

Children out a little bit whiney cos really they should be in bed.

So here ends my rather childish rhyme, pretend I am still nine,
Wrap up warm, enjoy the fireworks and on toffee apples do dine.

The Monster and I.

2011-11-02T04:42:00.000-07:00

Most of us have a Monster which lurks somewhere in our lives, waiting to pounce, to annoy, to frustrate plans, joy and the smooth running of life.

The more i notch up years on this earth, the more I realise, few people's lives are easy, pain free or happy all the time.

7 years ago my Monster came to find me, and has kind of turned everything topsy turvy ever since. CFS ( chronic fatigue syndrome ) It's a funny old one, not life threatening, not degenerative but still Chronic none the less. It swept me off my feet, and not in a good way. Many hopes and dreams, not huge and lofty, just everyday things, qualifying as a teacher, spending time with friends, working, cooking, walking, have all been taken away to some degree or other.

I am by nature a pretty 'glass half full' kinda girl. After spending years of trying to think - it's not that bad really, and madly adjusting my life so it doesn't consume me totally, I have since concluded that actually it is quite horrid, it isn't what God planned for me, and no i don't enjoy watching copious amounts of tv in my pyjamas all day cos i can't do anything else.

There are plenty of days when the CFS monster stays firmly in it's hidey hole, and I can potter about in a kind of 'what a normal person might do on a lazy day way', a short trip to the shops, a meal with friends, or tidying up and cooking a meal. I like these days, and feel fortunate to have them. Many people with CFS don't and remain bed ridden 24/7.

The thing is, is that everything takes energy, everything. And it's not until you don't have it, that you realise. Thinking, talking, listening, reading, watching, sitting rather than lying, decision making, all take energy, never mind the physical side of life. And it's these things which are the hardest struggle.

The Monster confines me to bed, in the dark, on my own...... lonely, frustrated, tired. Occasionally joyful of the rest, happy to have a bit of time on my own with a good run of 'come dine with me to watch', or an obscure interview on radio 4, but mostly it's not where I want to be.

I am more at home pottering in the garden, getting on a bus to work, going for a swim, talking, talking, talking. Doing things for others, cooking, and nesting. Don't get me started on nesting, i love to nest. Some people reserve this past time for week 37 of their pregnancy, i am in a constant state of wanting to feather my nest for anyone who wants to dwell there. I don't like watching others do it for me, it's my nest and I want to clean it, tidy it and provide for those in it.

But today is a good day, I am going out with my daughter, there are adjustments that I have made which I don't even think about now, but occasionally i stop and think, ' this is crazy' most people don't have to pack a changing bag in the lightest possible vessle with the minimun in it, cos other wise i can't carry it and the extra weight will mean It would leave me achy and exhuasted for a few days after. Or 'no I can't stay out for more than an hour or two - cause talking to you is draining me totally'.

However, the Monster hasn't taken my close friends, they are strictly off limits. It's tried, but credit to them, they haven't let it. Friends, Family, and my wonderful caring, loving, heavenly Father are still as they were, and for them I am more grateful that I think they realise. Helping me to live, to get out, to rest when I need to, to eat a proper meal not just biscuits, and to laugh along in the midst of what is sometimes just plain silliness. I mean, who sits in their sitting room and combs their hair with a fork which was on the floor from yesterdays tea, cos they haven't got the energy to walk up the stairs to get their hairbrush ? That is just silly.

I am hoping to say farewell to my monster one day soon, but until that day I shall acknowledge it's presence, ( ignoring it really just makes it more vicious and powerful) and live within what It permits me to do.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-11-01T02:26:00.000-07:00

1. It's Satsuma season, hooray for the Orange's little cousin......

2. I have recently concluded that if you stick with one supermarket it makes life less stressful and the offers will soon come your way if you wait, why chase round after them ? Let them come to you. The amount of time and energy we use on chasing a bargain, saving just a few pennies. I am all for being thrifty, but i wonder if this is becoming an unhealthy obsession. Getting more for less, getting, getting, buying, wanting. Too much.

3. I'm a bit of a recycling/make do with what you can scrounge kind of girl. Mostly due to lack of funds to buy things new, but I do derive great pleasure in rescuing things from skips, grabbing a charity shop bargain or housing a piece of furniture someone is throwing out. Repaint it, throw a cushion on it and hey presto you have a new thing. Most of the interior of our house has been acquired this way. But the thing is, you still have to spend just a few quid on making it your own, and this is a frustration of mine. But with shoplifting not being an option, I will have to look deep behind the sofa cushions for pennies to pay for my next pot of paint/ball of wool.

4. I recently logged onto ebay to buy some christmas fabric, thinking of wrapping presents in fabric this year, then it can be re used over and over, and will look nice too. Have you ever heard of a 'Fat Quarter' ? 'FQ' to the real know it alls - this is what squares of fabric are measured in...........who knew. Thinking of buying some of this.

5. Hugh Laurie has a new 'do' at the start of the new season of House, not sure i like it - the hair, or the new season.

6. Made in Chelsea, yes I watch it, i know, i know, it's a shockingly bad thing to admit, but it's true. Spencer and Caggy, will they/won't they ?? No matter how much champagne you drink and Chanel bags you have, Love and relationships are still the same. If you haven't seen it, it is worth watching just once for a laugh.

7. Autumn is firmly on our doorstep, and this year I think the light has been especially lovely. The kind which makes even the most unskilled photographers images look beautiful. I got a new camera last year for my 30th, and have to admit I am still slightly amiss as to how to use all the settings. I've always loved taking photos, but really should work out how to use my camera properly. As my brain is slowly coming back to life after having a baby, I should probably stop watching trashy tv and read the manual. - i'm not the manual reading type tho, more trial and error, so maybe i'll stick with that.

8. It's slipper season- Hooray for warm toasty feet. Yes these are my feet, and yes they are huge, size 9 if you must know.

9. Willow has created a new word this week, Daddy + Nanny = Naddy, she was sat up in her cot saying it over and over. have to say, it freaked me out a little !

10. Spotify - where have you been all my life. You can just listen to any music you want, ANYTHING ! It's a bit mental really, to think of all the years i have spent trying to acquire music by any means, from the old 'quick it's on the radio, press play and record at the same time' to borrowing c.d's and downloading the odd track here and there from iTunes. But now, I can listen to whatever I like. The decision anxiety has set in tho, it's a bit too much to comprehend. Am enjoying rediscovering the delight that is India Arie, vocal gold with a funky soul vibe.

Just because she's adorable

2011-10-31T08:31:00.000-07:00

My lovely girl

Word of the week

2011-10-31T04:06:00.000-07:00

'Rambunctious'

.. ..........Uncontrollably exuberant; boisterous.

Love this word, I can imagine Steven Fry saying it with a rrrrolling 'r' or equally a yoof with a 'sarf London' accent.

RRRRRRAMBUNCTIOUS

Welsh Wanderings...

2011-10-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

Self catering holidays are definately lovely, but there is a lot of work to be done either side isn't there? Not so much the washing, but more the unpacking of random things which got stuffed in the car any which way 'cause you just want to get home'. Think babybel stuffed in a small ugg boot and you kind of have the idea..........

I still haven't located my phone charger, but have come home with the camera charger which we left at the cottage last time we went in May - So a fair swap i think.

Anyway, here are a few little highlights of our Welsh holiday.......

Obligatory viewing of Welsh steam train. Willow cried the sort of cry you would expect from a 1 year old when a noisy train passes and then unexpectedly toots it's tooter - horn? er what is it called ?!

A rare opportunity to play in an old phone box. Which i think was more for my benefit than anyone else's really.

Picnic with friends, We managed to turn up without the vast majority of the things we needed, but still had fun and made do. Some of my fondest memories as a child involved going on picnics and having to cut cheese and bread with anything i could lay my hands on, and fully intend to carry on the tradition.

Then there was lots of lovely Autumnal light....

I am still recovering from the coastal walk where I took this picture. But with scenery like this, it's hard to stay inside with your feet up. The dreaded chronic fatigue still likes to come on holiday with me, but looking at these pictures make the forced days in bed seem a bit more worth it.

And Dad, this one is just for you......

We ended our jaunt with a bit of time with my family, these are two of my three siblings, who are indisputably the best anyone could ask for. They are as lovely as they look in this picture. The sort that just turn up at your holiday cottage, do yesterdays washing up, cook you a delicious roast, wash up again and then help you pack up and clean up after a weekend of mess they didn't create. They are a little barmy tho, there is no denying that. But that is why I love them.

So until next time Wales, i bid you farewell.

Excitement !

2011-10-20T03:07:00.000-07:00

Like a small child before christmas, i feel excited about our little holiday as it approaches.
Warm socks are packed, chocolate, wine and settlers at the ready for when the babes are tucked up in bed, and the great Welsh mountains to look at to clear the mind.
In the absence of energy to walk up hills, looking is as far as it goes for me.
One day i will climb snowdon again, but for now, looking and being will suit me just fine.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-10-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

1. Turns out a Juliet balcony can have it's uses for entertaining a small child........

2. Peppa Pig has been through the washing machine, (contrary to label guidelines) and has survived, although no longer has the rosy cheeks she once did.

3. I was reading some statistics today about poverty, sanitation, education etc and as ever was shocked to my core by the stark reality that I am in the complete minority when i turn on a tap, flush a loo, go to the Doctor or buy all the food I need from a supermaket. The world we humans have constructed is insanely unfair.

4. Next week we head for snowdonia and the Llynn peninsula, can't wait. Not only do I get to see some of my favourite hills and seaside, but I get to to be there with nearly all my favourite people. ( of course there are a few of you not there !)

5. There is more Vitamin C in broccoli than an orange..........maybe we should all sit around at Christmas and munch on a stem or two instead ? And there'd be no peal to leave on the arm of the sofa.

6. Tried finger painting with Willow today, she wasn't interested........slightly gutted, but happy not to have to clear up the mess.

7. I am sick of hearing about that Adam Werrity fella and his pal Dr Fox. Yes he overstepped the mark, do i want to hear about it anymore, no thanks.

8. This '10 on tuesday' idea was stolen from a die hard blogger, it wasn't my own idea, so thanks Sarah :) you are a blogging legend.........
When they are all published and win a booker prize, I shall mention you in the credits I promise.

9. At this time of year I miss knocking on kids doors and inviting them the kids klub at our church. Many years ago i spent hours and hours doing it each week, and 6 years on I still miss it.

10. Did you know that if you put a laptop charger in your mouth while it's plugged into the mains, you get an electric shock..... who knew ?

Word of the week

2011-10-17T03:58:00.000-07:00

I think it might be the 'wanna be teacher' in me, but i just fancied a word of the week, so instead of printing it out, double mounting it and putting it on a display board, i'm posting it here :)

-"Pandemonium"

Definition-Pandemonium- 1. a place of anarchy. 2. wild confusion, commotion, chaos.

The last 3 on the definition list are how i would describe our living room right now.
It's a dramatic word, i quite like dramatic words, and my other half would tell you i use them far too often.............

Vomit on Sunday

2011-10-16T01:28:00.000-07:00

Last night there was vomit in our house, just a little bit but boy does that oh so nasty smell know how to linger.......

Sunday, i love Sundays, a time in my week when i attempt to stop and remember my creator and all He is and has done. Today I am thanking Him for the health of my child, a little bit of vomit aside, she is one healthy happy girl, and for that I will always be thankful.

2011-10-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

A year has passed.

2011-10-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

This is my little lady this time last year, and now she's standing up in her cot shouting 'Daddy' while she's meant to be asleep. How the time flies ey......

Fears

2011-06-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

One of my biggest fears is being eaten by a Komodo Dragon. I know this is ridiculous as i live no where near one, but since reading an article in the telegraph about Komodo Dragon crawling inside live water buffalo while they are still alive, and eating them from the inside out, it has stuck with me as an extremely unpleasant thing to have to experience.